Tara's Still Perfectly Imperfect Christmas
by MVeneer
Summary: It's Jax and Tara's first Christmas as a couple and all Tara wants is to give Jax the perfect Christmas present and get on the good side of Gemma. In order to do that, she will have to get through a SAMCRO Christmas party with Ima as Opie's date. Nothing goes as planned, but it all goes wrong in a perfectly imperfect way and becomes the best Christmas ever for Jax and Tara.
1. Chapter 1

19

 **Tara's Still Perfectly Imperfect**

 **Christmas**

 **Author's Note: For a few that might notice, this is the Christmas story that I wrote last year. I'm doing revisions and will make some plot changes and other changes.**

 **I'm not doing a completely new story because I don't have time. I'm trying to push out more chapters of Tara's Story, so I can finally write the new chapters and I'm writing Jax Is Really Alive and it's plot is at a crucial point.**

 **Christmas is one of my versions of hell, but I discovered last year that writing this Christmas story made it a less painful experience. I even managed to like the holidays a little. So, I'm doing this rewrite partly to help me get through the holidays.**

 **Author's Note: This is a stand alone story so if you aren't reading Tara's Story, you will still be able to follow the story.**

 **New to Tara's Story Helpful Info:** Tara's aunt left her with her father during her sophomore year in high school. She and her father have had a strained relationship. He works at a hardware store and sings with an 80's cover band The Fire Ants on the weekends leaving Tara alone.

 **Readers of Tara's Story Helpful Info:** I wanted to write a Christmas story at Christmas, but it is spring inTara's Story so this story skips ahead nine months. There is one thing you will notice—Hale is different. There is a story arc that caused big changes in him. It's a couple of chapters away in Tara's Story. Tara hints at it but doesn't say what it was that happened.

 **Chapter 1 Good Side**

This was my first Christmas since my aunt died and it was hard. Since as far back as I could remember it was a hectic time. Between her private chef jobs, we made cookies and candy to sell and to give to friends as gifts. Christmas for me was a warm oven and trays of beautifully decorated cookies. This year, it was all gone. I never realized just how much I loved the frantic pace of Christmas and the time my aunt and I spent together in the kitchen until it was all gone.

Now, if there were going to be a Christmas it would fall to me to do everything. My father didn't bother putting up a tree or any decorations since my grandmother died eight years ago.

I couldn't recreate Christmas with my aunt and my father didn't like Christmas once he discovered Santa Claus was make believe. I decided to focus on having a great Christmas with Jax. I just needed to come up with the perfect present for him and get on the good side of Gemma. Challenging tasks but not impossible.

I told my father I wanted to put up a tree this year. He had obligingly found the Christmas tree and the boxes of decorations out in the garage and brought them inside. That was as far as his help went. He wanted no part in decorating the tree or house.

While my father was performing in one of his usual weekend concerts, Jax came over and we put up the Christmas tree together and decorated it.

It felt strange putting ornaments on the tree and not knowing anything about them. With the ornaments my aunt and I used, I knew the story behind every ornament. Some we made and some we bought after Christmas when they were marked half off.

When we finished decorating the tree, it didn't feel right. It didn't feel like Christmas despite playing the Christmas CD Jax brought with him. It was partly the weather. I'd never had a Christmas without snow before.

Mostly though, I missed my aunt. It felt like I was grieving for her all over again. Her belongings were still in storage. I had to go through them, but I kept putting it off because it hurt too much. Soon though, I would have to go through them. They couldn't stay in storage forever.

Jax assured me that grieving for my aunt was normal. He said he felt the same way after his father died. Every big family holiday is a reminder of all of the loved ones that are gone.

I wanted to make Jax a present that had something to do with pictures of his father. There were two boxes of pictures at Jax's, but I didn't think Gemma would let me borrow them simply out of spite.

I noticed on some TV show a character had a photo of herself with a colored film over it. It looked kind of like an Andy Warhol picture. I looked at Andy Warhol pictures on the internet and came up with an idea for Jax's Christmas present. My friend Lisa was very artistic and she agreed to help me with the project. She liked the whole idea so much; she was making one for her parents and each of her two sisters. I was confident that Jax would love my gift.

Right after Thanksgiving, I went into a frenzy of baking and cooking. I even convinced my father to buy a freezer, not just for my holiday baking. I wanted to be able to make and freeze dishes so I didn't have to cook as much.

I made a list of everyone I needed to give a food gift to from my father's co-workers to Jax's family. In addition, I needed to give my father a tray of cookies and candy for the hardware store's Christmas party. He was the one who always signed up for napkins and plates, so it was time he did a little more for the Christmas party.

I was no where close to getting Gemma to like me. Jax assured me that it didn't matter to him if his mother liked me or not, but it mattered to me. I should be able to figure out some way to get on her good side. I'd never run across anymore that didn't like me. I could always figure out a way to get along with people, but I just couldn't come up with a way to get Gemma to like me.

I also needed to bring food to SAMCRO's family and friends Christmas party. I was pinning all my hopes on getting on Gemma's good side with my contributions to SAMCRO's Christmas party.

I asked Opie if he could get the boxes of pictures for me. He had a key to the house and he could get them when Clay and Gemma were at TM and Jax was with me.

Opie didn't return to Charming until after our sophomore year was over. Jax said that he'd gotten in trouble over a misunderstanding about a car. Reading between the lines, I think Opie got locked up for stealing a car.

By the time Opie returned, Jax and I were a couple. I knew Opie and Jax had grown up together and were close, so I needed to respect that friendship. That meant I couldn't have all of Jax's free time. I would have to share.

That turned out to be surprisingly easy. Opie and I got along great. Sometimes we even double dated with Opie's girl of the moment. Opie didn't meet Donna until a few months before I left Charming.

I'd just put a batch of butter cookies in the refrigerator to get cold before I rolled them out when Opie knocked at the door. I invited him in.

"You've been busy," Opie said, surveying the cooling racks filled with star shaped cookies. He handed me the two shoe boxes full of pictures.

"Thanks for getting the pictures. Did you have any trouble getting the boxes without being seen?"

He shook his head.

"Would you like some cookies?"

"Of course. Who turns down cookies?"

I put several on a plate and handed it to him with a glass of milk.

"Thanks."

"Do you think I could keep them for two days?"

"That's OK. Not any longer. It could be noticed. What are you going to tell Gemma when she asks you where you got the pictures?"

"You think she'll ask?"

"Yes."

"I'll say Jax gave them to me. He'll cover for me."

Opie grinned.

"Yeah, you can depend on that. Just be sure Gemma doesn't know I did it."

"Coward."

Opie laughed.

"Gemma can be pretty terrifying."

"She hates me."

"Don't take it personally. She would hate any girlfriend of Jax's. You have influence over him. She doesn't like it, but you're a good influence."

"Thanks Ope."

"Think I could get a couple of cookies for the road?"

"Sure."

I wrapped up several cookies in plastic wrap and gave them to him.

"I'll call when I'm done with the pictures."

"OK. Thanks for the cookies."

A short time later, Jax came over to help me bake, but mostly, he watched me. He did take the cookies off the cookie sheets and put them on the cooling racks. He also sprinkled decorations over the cookies.

"Are you serious about making the sandwiches for the party?"

"Yes. I told Gemma if she got the stuff on my list I would make all the sandwiches. It's kind of a surprise. I am going to make Muffuletta sandwiches. It's a New Orleans style sub sandwich and they're delicious. My aunt took me to New Orleans one summer and we both fell in love with the town and the food. We even took a cooking class while we were there."

That had been an amazing trip. My aunt had been a great person, fun loving and kind. I wish I had been a better person. I had been angry that she was dumping me off with my father and I wasn't nice to her. I had acted like a bratty teen. I know now that she understands and forgives me, but I wish I had been kinder and more mature when she was alive.

Part of all my intense baking was a tribute to her. She taught me everything I knew in the kitchen and I was honoring her memory by carrying on her/our Christmas traditions.

"I'll bring everything for the sandwiches Thursday."

"That would be perfect. I'll make them Friday. The sandwiches need to be made a day ahead."

"That must be some sandwich. I suppose that means I'm helping."

"You sound like it's punishment."

"I'll be glad when all your holiday stuff is done. I want you back as my girlfriend, so you can focus on what's really important and that would be me."

I laughed.

"Think of all the cookies I've made and you have eaten."

"It's going to ruin my figure. Come over here and check it out."

"Subtle," I said and walked over to Jax.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulled me against him and kissed me. In those days, Jax could kiss me dizzy. Literally. I've hit walls and cabinets before when he's released me after an intense kiss. This time, he held me for a few moments, so I could balance myself. His blue eyes always held a look of amused pride after he kissed me.

That was such a magical time in my life, being young and in love for the first time. Jax and I were so happy that holiday season. I wish I could go back and experience that all over again. Life just got so damned complicated with each passing year.

"I'm going to the Hales tomorrow morning to deliver the cookies and candy I made for them."

I knew this wasn't going to go over well with Jax, but I had to tell him.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"It's better for me to go alone."

"OK," Jax said, but he wasn't pleased that I was going to see Hale alone. Hale was the only guy who could make Jax jealous.

We had an unusual evening. Jax ate spaghetti and meatballs with my father and me. Afterwards while I was working hard in the kitchen making Five Dollar cookies, they watched "The Positive Negative Man". It was an episode of the old British TV show The Avengers. It was one of my favorite episodes because the villain killed by shocking people to death, but Mrs. Peel escaped death by wearing rubber soled boots.

My aunt called the cookies Five Dollar cookies because that's what we charged for them. The cookies were as big as my whole hand including my fingers. The Christmas tree shaped cookies were oatmeal cookies flavored with orange juice concentrate. The icing also had orange juice concentrate in it. Each tree was frosted with two shades of green icing and dusted with sparkly white sugar so it looked like snow. Next I colored candy pearls with red food coloring and placed them perfectly on each cookie with tweezers. I then put each into a clear bag and tied it with a red ribbon. Kids go crazy when they see such a huge Christmas tree cookie.

I made the Five Dollar cookies to put into clear little gift bags I got at one of Charming's dollar stores. At the end of the party, each child would get a gift bag with two pieces of peanut butter fudge, two pieces of chocolate fudge and a fewer smaller cookies. I was hoping that Gemma would be impressed by the beauty of the Five Dollar cookie and that I'd made the bags for the kids.

I drafted both Jax and my father into filling the bags. I put in the big tree cookies. My father added the candy and Jax added the other cookies. My father was starting to enjoy Christmas whether he would admit it or not.

The next morning, my father got a ride to work, so I could use his car to deliver my holiday food gift to the Hales and then I was going to Lisa's house to work on Jax's Christmas present.

I wasn't looking forward to the meeting with Hale, but it was something I needed to do.

I knocked on the door and Hale opened it so quickly I had a feeling that he had been watching for me from the kitchen window.

I handed him the platter of plastic wrap swaddled cookies and candy.

"You can freeze the whole platter or you can just put some of the cookies and candy in freezer bags."

"Wow, Tara! There's enough food for a small army. The cookies look great."

"Thanks."

"Come on inside."

"I can only stay a few minutes. I have a huge list of things I have to get done today."

We took seats at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

"It sounds like you're busier than you are when you're in school."

"It feels that way. I'm still not used to your short hair. Is the surfer still inside somewhere?"

"I hope there's a bit left. We're going to Hawaii tomorrow and won't be back until after New Year's."

"You may want to change those plans. You'll miss the SAMCRO Christmas party."

"The social event of the year," he said dryly.

After he said that, there was this awkward almost painful silence between us. Time for me to escape.

"I wish I could stay longer, but I really have to get moving," I said, sliding off the barstool.

Hale walked me to the door.

"Are you happy, Tara?"

We were standing just inches apart.

"Yeah, I am," I said softly as if by speaking the words softly they would hurt him less. "How are you doing?"

"I'm still a ways from OK."

"You know how much I care about you. If there's anything I can do to help . . ."

"How about falling in love with me?" he said with a ghost of a smile.

I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You will meet a much better girl for you."

"Merry Christmas, Tara."

"Merry Christmas, Hale."

I maintained my composure until I was out of sight then I pulled the Cutlass over and cried.

The situation with Hale was so painful. He helped me a lot with Jax. He even gave me good advice. He told me that Jax had never had to work to get a girl and I should make him work to get me.

I had been naïve and maybe deliberately blind when it came to Hale. I wanted to believe the myth that guys and girls can be strictly friends. I didn't feel attracted to Hale. I assumed he felt the same way.

Hale and I loved each other, just not in the same way. Hale was in love with me and I loved him. Same word but our feelings were worlds apart. I hated that I had caused him so much heartbreak when he had been such a good friend to me.

That carefree long haired surfer who was the biggest and best weed dealer in Charming High was gone along with his hair. Hale was on his way to becoming the Hale that joined Charming PD. That change wasn't my doing.

After a few minutes of crying, I pulled myself together and drove to Lisa's house. I needed to get Jax's Christmas present done. Last night I had gone through the two boxes of pictures Opie had given me. I decided to pick four major times in his father's life: high school, Vietnam, SAMCRO and Jax's birth. I had already decided to use red, white and blue as the transparent colors.

Lisa had some great graphics programs on her computer, so the task was pretty easy. We scanned the pictures and then I narrowed the pictures down from twelve to the four best based on how well they scanned. Next, the four pictures were tinted red, white and blue, so I had twelve pictures when it was done. Then I arranged the pictures so none of the colors or images were next to each other. We saved the final image to a USB drive.

By the time I left that afternoon, Lisa had each of her sister's presents and her parent's present ready as well. We just needed to go to the local print shop tomorrow and get them to print out our work on poster sized paper. We would then frame our projects, wrap them and it would be done. It wasn't the ordeal I feared thanks to Lisa's help.

I called Opie and told him I'd finished with the pictures. He said they, Jax, Gemma and Clay were all at TM with him. He said he would slip away for a few minutes and get the pictures. He needed to do a motorcycle parts run anyway.

I had a plate of cookies ready for him when he knocked at the door.

"I can't believe you finished with the pictures so fast," Opie said.

"Come on in. I have cookies for you."

"I can't turn down cookies. It's a good thing Christmas cookies come only once a year."

"Yeah, I don't think I would want to bake like this year round."

"I've been thinking about your Gemma problem," Opie said before biting off a gingerbread man's leg and eating it.

"You have an idea?"

"I think not only do I have an idea, I think I'm right."

"Sounds good. I'm going to have some iced tea. Do you want something to drink? Milk? Iced tea? That's about it. My father needs to go to the grocery store."

"Some iced tea. I'm thirsty and I haven't eaten all day. These cookies are great."

I got us both iced teas. I put a couple of butter cookies on a plate for me and an assortment of gingerbread men, iced sugar cookies, butter cookies with sprinkles done by Jax and some Mexican Wedding cake cookies on a larger plate and added it to the table so Opie could help himself to more.

I sat down and waited for Opie to reveal the magical path to Gemma's good side.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," Opie began.

"Don't worry about it," I said. Inside my heart kind of sank.

"The things you do to get on Gemma's good side are the exact opposite of what you should do. Gemma's the one who has the big club dinners and breakfasts. She takes pride in that. You come and she sees you as competition. I still hear about the time you made the club a lasagna dinner. Now, you're making sandwiches and artistic cookies. You are competing with her."

"I thought she would like me because I'm helping her."

"She might like it if you helped her when she tells you what to do. You help on your own, it looks like competition."

I sat there for a long moment thinking through what Opie was telling me.

"I'm an idiot. You're right. I thought if I could impress her with my cooking and baking skills, she would like me."

"I think she thinks you are trying to show that you are better than her."

"I can't believe I didn't see it."

"She needs to see you fail and in front of people—the more the better."

"Is there another way?"

"I can't think of one. Picture this, people like your sandwiches and you get the credit. People like the cookies and you get the credit. You are the food star of the Christmas party. That's been Gemma's role. Not only are you not going to get on the good side of her, she's going to hate you more. You need to do something so you don't seem so perfect."

"Opie, I work really hard to do things. It doesn't come naturally."

"If you want to get on the good side of Gemma, you are going to have to be less perfect, let _her_ shine."

Opie finished his cookies and iced tea and got to his feet.

"Thanks Ope. You've really opened my eyes. I can see why she doesn't like me. In her place, I'm not sure I'd like me."

"You've got to humiliate yourself at the party or you can just live with the fact that you are probably never going to get on Gemma's good side. Jax doesn't care whether or not Gemma likes you. You've got a decision to make."

"Thanks Opie. You want some cookies for the road?"

"Maybe just a few."

"Did Jax tell you who I'm taking to the party?"

"No."

"Ima."

"Did he tell you what she did when he had his expulsion hearing?" "Yeah. It was classic Ima."

"This Christmas party is shaping up to be a great one."

After Opie left with the boxes of pictures, I went back and sat at the kitchen table. The more I thought about what Opie said, the more I realized he was right.

All I needed to do was humiliate myself. In front of a lot of people. Was that too high a price to pay to get on Gemma's good side?

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE PLEASE REVIEW, GOOD, BAD, TERRIBLE OR WHATEVER.**

 _ **Here's what it's like to write a story and invest many many hours into it and no one bothers to provide feedback. Good, Bad or whatever. We've all been to school and handed in assignments. You get your assignment back and there's no mark. You don't know if you're on the right track. Once again you hand in an assignment and you get it back and there's nothing on it. Was it good? Was it bad? Was it OK? Still, you keep doing your assignments and still you never get anything back. You don't care if it's bad feedback because that helps you figure out how to improve, but when you don't get any feedback, it's like turning in an assignment and never getting a response. Sooner or later, you're going to quit doing the work because if someone really liked your story, they could manage to put together a couple of sentences. If someone hates it, that's good too because you aren't in the dark. You're not the student in class who turns in assignments and never get input from the teacher. When we're talking a time commitment, everything I write gets re-written a minimum of three times and the most close to 10 times.**_

 _ **I'd like to have readers who cared enough about the story to provide me some guidance otherwise, I feel like no one cares about the story and I should find a more productive use of my time.**_

 _ **M**_

 **Next Up**

More Christmas drama. I'm hoping to post a chapter every week through Christmas. The story ends a few days after Christmas.


	2. Chapter 2

18

 **Tara's**

 ** _Still_ Perfectly Imperfect**

 **Christmas**

 **New to Tara's Story Helpful Info:** I also write **Tara's Story** and **Jax Is Really Alive**. This is a stand alone story. You don't need to have been a reader of **Tara's** **Story** to follow this story. Jax and Tara are finally a couple. Tara's aunt left her with her father during her sophomore year in high school. She and her father have had a strained relationship. He works at a local hardware store and sings with a band on the weekends leaving Tara alone.

 **Readers of Tara's Story Helpful Info:** I wanted to write a Christmas story at Christmas, but it is spring inTara's Story so this story skips ahead nine months. This story doesn't give anything away or spoils Tara's Story. There is one thing you will notice—Hale is different. There is a story arc that causes big changes in him. Tara hints at it but doesn't say what it was that happened.

 **Chapter 1 Recap**

Tara feels the loss of her aunt and fondly remembers all the baking and cooking they did at Christmas. To honor her aunt's memory, she bakes, cooks and decorates for Christmas.

She has two goals—to give Jax the perfect present and to get on Gemma's good side.

 **C hapter 2** **Look at What Ima's Wearing Again or**

 **There Are Some People You Just Can't Take**

 **Anywhere**

I thought a lot more about what Opie said about humiliating myself to get on Gemma's good side. I've embarrassed myself a lot of times, but I've never done it intentionally.

Despite Jax's assurances that he didn't care if Gemma liked me or not, I was worried that she would poison his mind against me a little at a time until he dumped me.

If I managed to get on Gemma's good side, how long would it last? Would I always have to dumb myself down so Gemma could feel superior? These questions went around and around in my head and I was no closer to a decision.

Friday, Jax came over with the Muffuletta ingredients to help me make 60 sandwiches. Gemma wanted to make sure there was plenty of food.

I put Jax to work slicing the 30 sandwich rolls length-wise. We wouldn't slice the sandwiches into two until tomorrow. Next, we dug out most of the bread from inside the rolls. It keeps the sandwiches from getting soggy and it helps the layered cold cuts fit better into the sandwiches.

While Jax divided up the assortment of meat into thirty portions, I chopped up the olives for the olive salad. Gemma surprised me by getting an assortment of olives. I didn't think she would be able to get more than the standard green olives and black olives, but she got Kalamata olives, garlicky green olives, crushed red pepper spiced green olives and a couple of varieties of green olives I didn't know the names of but I tasted them and they were delicious. I had to watch myself when I chopped the olives. They are soft and a lot of fun to chop, so I had to be careful I didn't get carried away and chop them too fine. After I finished chopping the olives, I chopped up the pickled carrots and cauliflower and then I mixed the olive salad and the pickled vegetables together.

By the time we finished layering the cold cuts, spreading the olive/vegetable salad into the hollowed out sandwich tops, wrapping each sandwich in plastic wrap, putting them on cookie sheets in the refrigerator and then placing another cookie sheet on top of the sandwiches along with pots and pans willed with water to weigh the sandwiches down, I was tired.

"Never again," I said. "I was crazy to volunteer."

I should have just taken the normal deli sandwiches and put olive salad on them. It wouldn't have been a true Muffuletta, but it would have been a lot easier, but no, eager to get on Gemma's good side, I just had to volunteer to make all the deli sandwiches. It's the annoying overachiever in me.

Jax grinned.

"That' exactly what I thought only it didn't take me 30 sandwiches to figure that out."

"I owe you one."

"I'm collecting. Guess who Opie is bringing to the Christmas party? Ima."

"I thought Opie was smarter than that."

"Here's where I collect the favor you owe me. They're coming with us."

"A double date?" I asked, hoping that there was another meaning. Spending an evening with Ima was an unimaginable horror.

"Yeah. It shouldn't be boring. She's bound to do something shocking."

"What does Opie see in her?"

Jax looked at me with raised eyebrows and flashed that Jax Teller grin,

"You honestly don't know?"

"OK. Now, I get it," I said. My face was hot with embarrassment.

"Between Gemma and Ima, it's going to be a great party."

"I have a feeling great isn't going to be the word for it."

"How about memorable?" Jax suggested.

* * *

Saturday, Jax and I went over to the clubhouse to drop off the sandwiches, two huge trays of treats and the children's gift bags. One of the trays I made had fudge, peanut butter fudge, white fudge with cherries and nuts and popcorn balls in cherry and lime green. The popcorn balls were mostly for the children. The second tray contained Mexican wedding cake cookies, pecan tartlets, gingerbread men and a mix of sugar and butter cookies frosted and decorated. I think my aunt would have been proud of me.

After Jax and I brought in all the food and the gift bags, Gemma volunteered Jax to help move and set up tables. I unwrapped the sandwiches, cut them in four on a diagonal. Gemma thought the smaller size would be better because people liked to sample a little bit of all the different foods. I arranged them on a large red tray Gemma had given to me. I was working at a small table tucked in a corner. It was the perfect vantage point to watch what was going on without being part of it.

Gemma ordered around more than a dozen Crow-eaters. She was the old lady of the club president and that made her their superior. They had to respect and obey her or she could cut them off from what they wanted most—the men of SAMCRO.

This might be another reason for the problem I had with Gemma. Her position as the president's old lady didn't mean anything to me. She was my boyfriend's mother. I didn't have to show her Crow-eater level respect and obedience.

I could humiliate myself to boost her self-esteem, but that would only buy me a temporary trip to her good side at best.

If I groveled and kissed up to her like the Crow-eaters, it might lessen her hate, but I remembered Opie's words—that Gemma would hate any girlfriend of Jax's.

At sixteen, I didn't know who I was because I was still growing and maturing, but after watching Gemma with the Crow-eaters I realized I had to have some self-respect. I couldn't humiliate myself and grovel so Gemma could feel good about herself. And there was no guarantee that if I made a fool of myself, it would land me on her good side. She might hate me more because I had done something idiotic.

I had just finished the sandwiches when my father called. He had forgotten the tray of cookies and candy and the gift bags for his co-workers. It was the perfect excuse to leave.

Jax was almost as happy as I was to get away. Gemma had plenty of help. She didn't need us.

My father normally sings with his 80's cover band The Fire Ants on the weekends, but the hardware store was also having its Christmas party and he was actually taking a weekend off from performing.

Jax drove me home. We grabbed the tray and gift bags and brought them to the hardware store. My father made a joke that he'd forgotten to bring his contributions to the pot luck because he'd never before brought anything.

He introduced us to his co-workers. I have to admit that when he mentioned Jax was my boyfriend, I felt such a rush of pride. I still had trouble believing Jax was with me. He was such a rock star in my eyes then. It wasn't until I returned to Charming ten years later that Jax took on more human sized proportions.

One of my father's co-workers, a middle-aged gray-haired woman pulled me aside to tell me how proud my father was of me and how much I'd improved his life. He credited my mother and my aunt for doing a good job raising me because he'd been too immature and irresponsible at the time. I thanked her for her kind words and she hugged me.

My relationship with my father had come a long way in the almost nine months I'd been living with him. I think part of it was Christmas. He hadn't really celebrated it since my grandmother died, but he seemed to be enjoying it. There were even presents for me under the tree. I hadn't been expecting that.

Jax dropped me off at home so I could get ready for the party. It took me more than two hours, but for the first time in my life, I'd gotten it all together, clothes, hair and make-up. I looked better than I thought possible. I was wearing a burgundy sort of burnt out velvet dress a bit above my knee, black tights and knee length boots. When I wanted to feel powerful, nothing beats boots.

With three styling products, a blow dryer and a curling iron, I'd managed to coax my hair into a beachy wavy curly look. I also managed the technically difficult subtle smoky eye. I used a burgundy stain on my lips topped with a little gloss on the bottom of my lip. It's supposed to give my lips this voluptuous look. I'd just finished with the lip gloss when Jax knocked on the door.

"Wow! Tara, you look beautiful and _hot_ ," Jax said once he was inside.

I had an ear to ear grin on my face.

He moved close to kiss me.

"Not on the lips, you'll wreck my lip gloss."

"Are you telling me that your lip gloss is more important than a Jax Teller kiss?"

"Hmmm . . . Those Jax Teller kisses are pretty spectacular, but my lip gloss . . ."

Jax pulled me into his arms. He nuzzled my neck and kissed me below my ear. I caught my breath. There was something about the warmth of his breath on my skin and the feel of his lips on my neck that always made me melt. He lightly bit my ear lobe before releasing me.

"Sorry we have to break this up. We've got to go pick up Opie and Ima."

Jax and Opie had a big old blue Ford Crown Victoria that belonged to TM that was used as a loaner car and for parts runs, but for most of the time that was the car Jax or Opie used when they needed a car.

After we picked up Opie, Jax drove to Ima's house. Opie got out of the car and walked up to Ima's door.

"Do you think she borrowed the outfit from her mother's stripper wardrobe?" Jax asked as we watched Opie and Ima walk to the car.

Ima was wearing a skimpy Mrs. Santa Claus outfit with a very short red skirt that barely covered her rear trimmed in fluffy white fur that countless rabbits lost their furry little lives for. Her top was short sleeved, low cut and trimmed in fur. She also had on white fishnets, a black belt and black stiletto heeled boots that I wouldn't even have attempted to walk in. She completed her look with a Santa hat tilted at a jaunty angle and a big black tote bag, which seemed a little out of place.

"I hope she's wearing underwear," I said.

We were both still laughing when they got to the car.

She answered the underwear question as soon as we got to the club house. She twirled around so her skirt flew up to her waist revealing the answer. She was technically wearing underwear—a red G-string that fully exposed both her lower cheeks and a white fur strip that mostly concealed her frontal crotch area. If there hadn't been kids there, it would have been funny because it was just so trashy and outrageous.

Most of the men were appreciative, but the Crow-eaters and the other women present shot Ima poisonous looks. She smiled back contemptuously. She was tall, blonde, skinny and sixteen. I was sure that she thought she was the hottest girl in the room and she had just proven it.

Opie wasn't amused and Jax wasn't laughing. Gemma looked furious. Opie grabbed Ima by the arm and led her outside like a mother with a naughty child. When they returned a few minutes later, Ima's lower lip was stuck out in a pout and she had a sullen look on her face.

SAMCRO's Christmas party had two parts. The first was an invitation only dinner buffet for MC members, old ladies, Crow-eaters and friends of the club. Members from other charters attended as well.

This was followed two hours later by a holiday treats buffet open to all Charming residents. It was a good will gesture and a thank you to the town's people.

Gemma and the Crow-eaters had done an impressive job of decorating the clubhouse. There were garlands everywhere—draped at the windows, along the bar and along the tables. All the tables were covered in red tablecloths with green table runners down the middle.

A Christmas tree with white lights was decorated with motorcycle ornaments. There was also a smaller tree sitting on the bar with silver reaper ornaments. A man's name was engraved along with a date. I saw JT's and realized this was a memorial to fallen MC members.

Jax stayed by my side as we mingled, his arm either around my waist or holding my hand. He gave me something I'd never had before; the feeling that I was precious and he was lucky to have _me._ I couldn't help, but believe that it was partly the result of me following Hale's advice that I should make Jax work to get me.

Thinking of Hale always hurt. I had been naïve with Hale. It took me quite awhile before I realized he was helping me with Jax hoping that by spending time with him, I'd fall in love with him and realize that Jax was only a crush and he was the real deal. I hoped he was having a good time surfing in Hawaii. He deserved some happiness in his life.

I always took delight in being seen with Jax. He was a prize and I savored the feeling that he was mine. I hated the way girls threw themselves at him, but I loved the hostile looks they gave me when they saw us together. The hardest part though was knowing that they were all thinking that Jax could do so much better than me for a girlfriend.

The Christmas music was turned off while Clay gave a short welcoming speech and then Gemma said a few words before announcing dinner was served.

There were two tables loaded with food. One contained cold food; the sandwiches I'd made, coleslaw, potato salad, two kinds of pasta salad and cranberry sauce and some Jell-O type salads. The other was lined with crock pots containing Swedish meatballs, meatballs in sweet and sour sauce, a cheesy potato casserole sprinkled with bacon, a mushroom and green bean casserole, assorted rolls and biscuits, macaroni and cheese, sweet and sour mini sausages, a rice casserole, baked beans, mini meatloaf balls drizzled with a BBQ sauce and scalloped corn.

A third smaller table had an ice filled tub on it containing bottles of water and an assortment of soft drinks. There was another smaller tub of ice with little scoops so people could scoop the ice into their cups. Next there were two beautiful glass beverage dispensers one with sweet tea and another with tea with lemon slices. It was an unexpected nod to the South's sweet tea tradition. There was also a large dispenser with coffee. Gemma had thought of everything.

After filling our plates and getting iced tea, we sat at a small table with Opie, Ima and other friends of the club. Ima was still pouting, but there was Christmas music playing, great food to eat and I was with Jax. I savored the moment. I was wrapped in happiness. Life didn't get much better.

Normally, I would immediately be consumed with fear, worried that my happiness was going to end. That was the old Tara. This was the new hopeful Tara who didn't worry about the future.

After dinner, Gemma and the Crow-eaters began changing over the room for the holiday treats reception clearing away the paper plates, putting away the leftover food and removing the trash. I felt as Jax's girlfriend I should help but he assured me that his mother had more than enough help. The men in keeping with MC tradition did absolutely nothing to help.

I was pleased to see that all the sandwiches Jax and I made were gone. The ninety or so diners had made a big dent in the food, but there was still plenty leftover.

Everyone was on their feet mingling, waiting for Gemma and the Crow-eaters to put out holiday treats and replenish the drinks table.

Ima went to the bathroom and came back in a much better mood. She was actually nice to me. I knew immediately she must have taken something.

Clay sent Jax and Opie out to get more soft drinks, little paper plates and napkins. Opie realized something was wrong with Ima and he asked me to watch over her. I agreed because I couldn't say no.

When I lived in Chicago with my aunt, I learned in school about drugs and what happens to your body when you take them. Based on that, I thought Ima had taken ecstasy. That's why she had suddenly become friends with me. It gives you this kind of "loved up" feeling.

Ima was carrying around a large black tote bag. I thought it was a strange accessory choice, but then I thought it was part of her costume; Santa had a big black bag filled with toys, maybe Mrs. Claus carried a large black tote bag.

Since I was now her best friend thanks to the "loved up" feeling she was getting from ecstasy, she shared her brilliant plan with me. She led me down the wing of the clubhouse that had a couple of apartments and a bunkhouse room with three sets of bunk beds. She tried each doorknob until one turned. She pulled me inside with her. We were in the bunkhouse room.

"I heard there's a movie producer here. That's the only reason I agreed to come to this with Opie. I am going to do a special holiday performance of a one act play I wrote myself."

"I think the movie producer makes porn," I said.

I had met Luann and Otto once at a BBQ at the clubhouse. Little did I know that Otto would play a pivotal role in my life. Jax told me Luann used to be a porn star, but was she now producing and directing them.

"It doesn't matter," Ima said, shrugging off this news. "Porn is more mainstream now. I'm sure the producer has contacts who make regular movies."

Ima began stripping off her clothes. She left on her white fishnets, G string and boots. She slipped a long loose white garment over her head.

"It's going to be very dramatic. Mary's story hasn't been told the way it should. It needs a modern edge. I'm going to be Mary and I'm going to talk about how God knocked me up. And what it felt like and how I told Joseph I'd been knocked up by God and I was still a virgin and I was having God's son."

I would have suspected that Ima was joking, but I'd learned she didn't have much of a sense of humor. I couldn't imagine a more offensive Christmas play than Ima's one woman show. This was Ima, so, of course, it got worse.

"I'm going to turn my back and simulate giving birth with lots of screaming, then, I'm going to hold up my baby." She pulled a baby doll from her black bag. It was smeared with red stuff.

"What's it got on it?"

"Strawberry jam. Babies come out bloody."

It would have been great watching Ima humiliate herself, but I had to stop her. It was sacrilegious. SAMCRO's holiday treats reception would be ruined by possibly the most offensive Christmas play in history.

"I don't think this audience would appreciate your take on this. Small towns and small minds. What if I could bring the producer to you so you could talk to her privately? You wouldn't need to do your play."

"I'm doing the play. It's my art and I want to share my gift with the world. Mary's story demands to be told."

I decided I needed to pretend to be on her side as a way to control her.

"I have this great idea. I am going to tell Clay that there's going to be a surprise performance. I'll introduce you. We want to make sure you're the center of attention."

"That's really nice of you."

"Stay right here and I'll be back in a few minutes and we can walk out together."

"OK," Ima said as she stuffed a pillow under the elastic of her G string.

She noticed me watching.

"What? I'm supposed to be pregnant."

"You have thought of everything. I'll be right back."

I walked quickly. I had to hurry because I was afraid Ima would grow impatient and decide to begin her performance without waiting for me.

My first choice was to dump this problem on Opie, but he and Jax were nowhere to be seen, so they must still be running errands for Clay. I called them, but neither had their phones with them.

So, I was down to my last choice—Gemma.

 _ **As always, please review.**_

 **Author's Note**

I am adding and making changes to the original Christmas story. Chapter 3 will have almost all new content. I'm doing some shorter chapters that I will post more frequently than weekly. I want to pace the story so that the final chapter is posted the last week of December. The original had some chapters that were too long. I'm doing shorter better paced chapters this time. I know some of you like long chapters, so sorry.

 **NEXT UP**

Gemma try to prevent Ima from performing one of the most offensive one woman Christmas plays imaginable.

I hope to post this chapter next week.

 **WHAT'S UP NEXT FOR ME**

I hope to post another chapter to **Tara's Story** next week and to **Jax Is Really Alive** in two weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

12

 **Tara's**

 **Still Perfectly Imperfect**

 **Christmas**

 **Chapter 2 Recap**

Tara and Jax make the sandwiches for SAMCRO's Christmas party. Tara has also made a lot of sweet treats for the dessert buffet portion of the party. They are double dating with Opie and Ima. Ima spins around in her slutty Mrs. Santa Claus outfit once they get to the party giving everyone a chance to see her red G-string with the white furry front crouch area. Opie takes her outside to give her a talking to. Clay sends Jax and Opie out to buy more supplies leaving Tara alone with her. Ima's mood changes radically thanks to visit to the bathroom. Tara thinks she took ecstasy because she is suddenly in a very happy mood. Ima confides her plans to perform a play to impress the producer at the party. She is undeterred when Tara tells her the producer makes porn. Tara can't let Ima perform her play because it will ruin the party. When she can't find the guys, she has no choice but to turn to Gemma for help.

 **Chapter 3 Escape**

Gemma and the Crow-eaters had finished cleaning up the room. They even replaced the red tablecloths with red and green plaid tablecloths. All the trash was removed, the dinner buffet food put away and the Crow-eaters were changing the tablecloths.

I found Gemma in the kitchen directing the girls, as she liked to refer to the Crow-eaters, on the placement of the desserts on the two tables.

"Gemma, I need to talk to you alone," I said.

Gemma frowned at me.

"I'm busy."

"This is urgent."

Gemma's lips tightened in disapproval but she followed me into the wing with the apartments and bunk room.

I explained the situation to her taking care to make it clear this problem was solely Ima's fault and I was in no way to blame.

"I'll just tell her she can't do her play."

"You don't understand Ima. You can't reason with her because there's not enough brain matter."

"You're sure?"

I nodded.

"You have no idea how crazy she is."

"Wait until I get my hands on Opie," Gemma said

"It's not his fault. He didn't know what she was going to do. She only told me about her one woman play because she took ecstasy and thinks I'm her friend."

"He should have known from the way she's dressed that she was going to be trouble. We're going to have to lock her in one of the storerooms. One contains guns and ammo. Not a good choice. The other has liquor and other supplies. Also, not a good choice, but better than the weapons storeroom. Can you lure her into the storeroom?"

"I'll tell her I found drugs in the store room and I want to get her opinion on what they are and what we should do with them. It's not a great story, but she's not a great thinker. The story will work."

We quickly made our plan.

I was relieved to find Ima still in the bunk room practicing her lines.

"Did you get everything worked out?"

"I did, but on my way back here, I heard some people had drugs in the storeroom. I checked it out and found some but I don't know what they are or what we should do about it."

"We should take them," she said promptly, no thinking needed. It was pure reflex.

"OK. We should hurry before the people get back."

Ima didn't have to be told twice. She put her strawberry jam smeared baby doll back in her tote bag and we left.

The two storerooms were side by side. As we passed the first one, I tapped the door. That was the signal to Gemma to get ready to lock Ima in the storeroom.

I flipped on the light and we walked into the storeroom. I turned and looked around, shaking my head.

"It was just a few minutes ago. I can't believe I've forgotten already."

"That happens to me a lot too."

"I think it was back by that case of beer," I said. I pointed vaguely to the back of the storeroom.

As she walked to the back of the storeroom, I walked to the door. I switched out the lights to make it more difficult for her to find the door, so Gemma would have enough time to lock the door behind me.

When I put my hand on the door knob I held my breath afraid that Gemma had locked me in too. To my great relief, the door knob turned. As soon as I shut the door behind me, Gemma turned the key in the lock. Done. No more Ima problem.

"You know for a minute, I thought of locking you in with her," Gemma said.

"And for a minute, I thought you might lock me in with her."

"OK," Gemma said with a faint smile. "You did good, Tara."

"Thanks, Gemma."

By preventing Ima from humiliating herself, I was now on Gemma's good side. I had actually achieved one of my Christmas goals. Early.

Ima began to bang at the door, but the storeroom was near the end of the hall and there was so much noise between the Christmas music and people, she couldn't be heard.

Gemma was waiting for Opie with the intensity of a hungry lion checking out a lame zebra. She pounced on him before he could take two steps into the clubhouse. She grabbed him by the arm and took him outside.

"Do you know what's going on? Where's Ima?" Jax asked.

"That's what's going on," I said.

I described Ima's play to him and we were both doubled over with laughter by the time I got to the part about her giving birth to a strawberry jam smeared baby.

"Opie's lucky you stopped her. If she did her play, I don't even want to imagine what Gemma would do. I tried to talk him out of bringing her. I guess he had to learn the hard way; there are just some people you can't take anywhere."

"I tried calling you guys, but you didn't have your phones with you."

"You did good, Tara."

"That's exactly what your mother said to me."

"See, I told you that you would win her over."

"That's for now. I've been thinking of a way to get Ima out of the storeroom and out of the clubhouse without her causing a scene. Opie could go in the storeroom and tell her that I locked her in the storeroom out of jealousy."

"The producer has gone home but wants to meet her there," Jax said picking up on my idea and continuing it. "There's a small part in a cable movie Ima would be perfect for."

"That's good, but when she finds out Opie lied to her about the movie role . . ." my voice trailed off.

"I think I should go with him. He might need help, but I don't think you should go."

I nodded.

"If she sees me, it will just make things worse. I don't think even the "loved up" feeling courtesy of ecstasy could make her like me once Opie tells her that I locked her in the storeroom. I'll be OK here by myself."

When Opie and Gemma finally came back inside the clubhouse, Opie had a dazed look on his face. He walked down the hall and quickly returned.

"Ima's not in the storeroom. She must have escaped," Opie said.

"She couldn't escape," Gemma said. "Someone let her out. Find her and get her out of the clubhouse. Now!"

Three people should have no problem finding a tall, skinny, blonde wearing a long shapeless white garment, but we couldn't find her.

Just as it occurred to me she might be hiding under a table concealed by a hanging tablecloth, she crawled out from under a table near the center of the room.

She put her black tote bag down and turned to face the group. She was holding a bubblegum pink mic. It looked like one of those toy mics that have different vocal effects.

"Quiet! Quiet!" she shouted into the mic. People continued to talk.

"OK, shut the fuck up! Now!" Ima's mic may have looked like a toy but it had all the volume a mic needed.

The audiences' reactions were mixed. The non-MC part of the crowd were shocked at the dreaded and much reviled "F" work being used in front of them. The horror of it all! Their ears might bleed from this verbal assault. The kids giggled because Ima said a naughty word. The MC and friends of just stood there, no reaction. They had all heard the word before and often. Ima got what she wanted though. Talking ended and she had everyone's attention.

I went to Gemma with a new plan. She began implementing it and I went to Opie and Jax to explain their part.

"My name is Ima Tite. I'm an actress slash writer. I have written a play—a Christmas play just for tonight. Mary's true story has never been told realistically. Picture Mary telling Joseph how she got knocked up by God.

"Joseph, Joseph I swear to you I am a virgin. God came to me one night and asked me to bear his son. He knocked me up without sex. It was holy magic. I wasn't drunk or passed out and I swear he never fuc . . ."

Gemma and the Crow-eaters walked to the center of the room and stood in front of Ima. They began singing the "Twelve Days of Christmas" loudly drowning out Ima's voice and screening her from view.

Ima wasn't going to go down without a fight. She raised her voice and tried to compete with the singers.

Opie twisted the mic out of her hand, put his hand across her mouth and, with Jax's help, they dragged her out of the clubhouse. The singers standing in front of Ima didn't completely block Opie and Jax from view but it was better than nothing.

When the song was over, there was polite applause. Clay said a few words of welcome to the town's citizens. Gemma did her part by inviting everyone to help themselves to the holiday treats. She added there were gift bags for the children to take with them when they left.

The Christmas music resumed and everyone got into lines for dessert. I hoped that Ima's performance had been shut down soon enough.

"Tara, could you help me in the kitchen?"

"Sure," I said and followed her into the kitchen.

"I need to get these plates on the tables. I'll be right back."

I automatically began straightening up the kitchen and wiping down the counters. By the time Gemma returned to the kitchen, I had it all cleaned up and neat.

"You're fast," Gemma said as she looked around the kitchen. "The sandwiches you made were a big hit. I tasted most of the cookies and candy and they were delicious. The little gift bags you made for the kids, that was very sweet of you," Gemma said.

"Thanks, Gemma. I did it for the club and Jax. The club has helped me a lot."

"You could have let Ima humiliate herself for revenge. You do know that Ima and Jax used to be together."

Typical Gemma. Disarm with a compliment and then slide the knife in.

"Jax was together with a lot of girls," I said with a shrug. Inside, I felt like throwing up at the thought of Jax and Ima.

"They had sex," Gemma clarified just in case I hadn't figured it out.

She was watching me, looking for a reaction. It was a twist of the knife because the first wound failed to draw enough blood to please her.

Somewhere during the conversation, I decided to quit playing defense with Gemma and move to offense.

"Everybody has a past. Are you making a point or are you just trying to hurt me?"

"I'm just trying to get to know you better," Gemma said with mocking sweetness.

"Then you ask questions. You don't tell me things about Jax to hurt me hoping I'll break up with him."

Jax and Opie walked into the kitchen looking for us. Both looked the worse for wear. Opie's hair was a mess, he had a large red mark on his face that looked like it came from a slap, he had bloody scratches on his arm and neck and he was walking with a limp. Jax just had a few scratches on his arm.

"Did we interrupt anything?" Jax asked.

"Gemma was just telling me about your sex life with Ima," I said.

I took both Gemma _and_ me by surprise. The words came out without any thought. _Finally, I had discovered what it felt like to be a man!_

 **Next Up**

Someone learns a new fighting technique. Christmas for Tara and Jax with a surprise gift and a surprising threat to their happiness. Tara learns there's something even better than being on Gemma's good side.

I hope to post it at the end of this week or the first part of next week.

 **Next Up For Me**

I still plan to post a new chapter of Tara's Story this week.


	4. Chapter 4

17

 **Tara's**

 ** _Still_ Perfectly Imperfect**

 **Christmas**

 **Chapter 3 Recap**

Tara and Gemma come up with a plan, Tara lures Ima into a storage room and Gemma locks Ima in. Jax and Opie get back from the errands Clay sent them on. Gemma takes Opie outside for a scolding. Opie goes to the storeroom for Ima and discovers she's gone. Someone let her out. Opie, Jax and Tara look for her, but fail to find her in time to prevent her from performing a portion of her offensive play. Tara whispers a new plan to Gemma and to Jax and Opie. Gemma and the Crow-eaters stand in front of Ima and sing "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Ima speaks loudly into the mic until Jax and Opie hustle her outside.

Gemma compliments Tara on her cooking efforts and asks her to help her in the kitchen. Gemma tells Tara that Jax and Ima had sex. Jax and Opie return from bringing Ima home looking the worse for wear.

 **Chapter 4 Falling For You**

Jax's jaw tightened and he shook his head.

"Tara knows about _all_ the girls. Ima's not one of them."

Gemma smiled.

"There are just so many, I must have gotten her mixed up with some other girl," Gemma said with a dismissive shrug.

Jax's eyes practically shot out sparks, he was so angry with Gemma. He took her by the arm and they left the clubhouse. I've seen parents take kids by the arm, but I've never see it the other way around. So far, Opie had been taken out and talked to by Gemma twice and Gemma had been taken out and talked to once by Jax, but who's counting?

"Gemma chewed me out for Ima, but I think Jax's going to say worse to Gemma," Opie said.

"I was actually on Gemma's good side for a few minutes."

My goal had been to get on Gemma's good side. There wasn't any time specified for how long I had to stay there. I was giving myself credit for fulfilling that Christmas goal. One down, one to go.

"That may be as good as it's ever going to get for you two. I know I told you to embarrass yourself so Gemma would like you, but I think you got something better tonight. You stood up to her over Ima. She won't admit it, but you earned a little respect from her. Instead of letting her walk all over you, you took the fight to her. She'll think twice before she lies to you again."

"Now she's going to hate me more," I said.

"I don't think so. I think she'll be more careful especially since Jax is on your side. I deserved getting chewed out for Ima. I should have known by the way she was dressed, there was going to be trouble. I should have taken her home after she did that twirl, showing everyone her thong. You didn't deserve what Gemma said to you. And thanks for helping me with Ima."

"You're welcome Opie. I told Gemma Ima's behavior wasn't your fault. What happened when you got her out of the clubhouse?"

"She just went crazy. I don't know if it was all from the drugs or from the four beers she drank."

"She couldn't have been in the storage room for more than five minutes," I interrupted.

Opie shook his head, laughing.

"She's a power drinker. Once Jax and I hustled her out of the clubhouse, she wouldn't get into the car so we could take her home. She started fighting us trying to get back into the clubhouse so she could finish her play. Tig came over to help and she starts flirting with him. She tells him she'll get into the car if she can tell him a secret first. She moves close to Tig and then bites him vampire style in the neck. She actually drew blood."

Opie and I both laughed.

From that night on, biting became Tig's signature fight move. The guys who fought Tig always remembered him from the chunk of skin he tore out of them leaving them a scar as a permanent reminder.

Jax walked in alone and came over to us, sliding his arm around me.

"What did I miss?"

"I was just up to Ima biting Tig in the neck," Opie said. "Jax grabbed her legs, I grabbed her arms and Tig opened the trunk and we dumped her in."

"Lucky no one was around," Jax added.

"The whole time we're driving, Ima is screaming that she's being kidnapped. From now on, we're keeping a roll of duct tape in the trunk."

"For future girlfriend problems?" I asked.

"Or in case Opie decides to risk another date with Ima," Jax said.

"You would go out with her again?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Despite her being crazy and Gemma chewing my ass, there may still be a future."

It sounded to me like Opie still wanted to have sex with Ima and tonight was only a bump in the road as he pursued this goal.

"What happens when you get to her house?"

"It was easier getting her out of the trunk than it was putting her in because she wanted out," Jax said.

"Once we help her out of the trunk, she starts kicking and screaming all over again," Opie said. "I don't know if she's normally that crazy or if the drugs she took did something to her."

"The porch light goes on and her father comes out of the house with a shotgun," Jax said.

"I decided not to walk her to her door. We got in the car and took off," Opie said.

"We drove three blocks before we stopped long enough to close the trunk," Jax added chuckling.

With the name "Ima Tite", she was destined to end up working in the sex industry. Her mother knew what she was doing when she named her. Her mother had been a stripper at the Jelly Bean Lounge, so Ima's porn stardom was a step up from her mother's profession. Of course back in high school, she wasn't in the porn industry, she just slept around, getting plenty of practice for when she turned eighteen and could begin her real life.

Clay and Gemma gave their speeches welcoming the town's citizens to SAMCRO's annual holiday party.

Jax and I went through the dessert line and found an empty table. Opie was still in line.

"What happened with Gemma?" I asked.

"I told her to quit trying to start trouble with you. I am proud of the way you handled her. You stayed calm. She wasn't expecting that. She thought you would get jealous and it would lead to an argument. The best way to deal with her is to stay united and never let her cause trouble between us, or, at least, never let her see what she's doing is causing trouble."

"Thanks for talking to her."

Opie came over and sat down. His small plate was heaped high with cookies and candy.

"I'm going to eat my troubles away," Opie said before biting into a pecan tartlet I'd made.

The rest of the party passed uneventfully. Gemma kept her distance from me and Ima didn't return to the clubhouse.

I didn't see much of Jax over the next couple of days. He was doing a lot of work at TM for Clay. We were lucky if we managed to spend an hour or two together every day.

As a child, I could hardly wait for Christmas and Santa Claus. As I grew older, it became more about giving gifts to the people I love. I was excited to see Jax's reaction when I gave him the poster I'd made with my friend Lisa's help.

On Christmas Day, my mother and my aunt always insisted that I couldn't get up until they got up because they wanted to see my face when I saw what Santa had delivered overnight.

Once I'd learned there was no Santa Claus, I didn't have to wait any longer. I liked to get up in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve, turn on only the Christmas tree lights, curl up on the sofa and look at the tree and the presents. That moment was so full of hope and promise.

I've admired the perfectly decorated trees in stores and in magazines. Those perfect white trees with all red ornaments or maybe even blue ornaments so neat and disciplined, but there was no heart in them.

Our tree was always a chaotic mix of colored lights and ornaments some beautiful ones purchased during after Christmas sales and others made by me in school. I guess I loved the imperfections because they came from love.

As I got older, I wanted to get rid of some of the ornaments I'd made in elementary school, but my aunt insisted we keep them because they were a part of our family history.

I should have gone through the storage unit and at least taken our Christmas ornaments. Next year, I promised myself, I would put up a tree in my bedroom with the ornaments from storage.

My father and I could have a tree, but I didn't want to mix the ornaments. Keeping them separate represented the two halves of my life, before and after I came to live my father.

I turned on the CD player to listen to Christmas music as I looked at the tree. I loved the way the colored lights reflected off the ornaments and the foil wrapping paper that I'd splurged on. I didn't know the history of any ornaments and despite the fact that Jax and I had put up the tree and decorated it together, it just didn't feel right. Maybe next year the tree wouldn't feel so alien to me.

I didn't have to worry that the Christmas music would wake my father. He had taken a last minute gig in Santa Barbara. A guy was having a big party and the band he'd booked had cancelled. He was desperate and he offered to double their pay. The band refused and kept refusing until he offered them five times their rate plus expenses.

The gig would end at midnight and the guys would take turns driving, so they could return by morning. Some of the guys had young children and they wanted to see their kids' faces on Christmas morning.

The decision was a band decision and I wasn't mad at my father. He would come back and grab a few more hours of sleep and we would open our presents a little later in the day. My aunt frequently worked either Christmas Eve or Christmas and sometimes both so this was normal for me anyway.

Last Christmas, as I was looking at the tree's lights, I wondered where I'd be next Christmas. Despite moving around so much, I never got used to it. I liked that I knew where I was going to be next Christmas. I'd be here looking at this Christmas tree and thinking of all my past Christmases.

I was just about to turn out the lights and go back to bed when I heard a faint tapping at my door. I looked out the peephole and saw Jax.

"What are doing here?" I asked.

"I couldn't sleep and I know you stay up late, so I thought I'd drop by and if you were awake, I thought we could open presents. It's after midnight, so it's Christmas."

I let him into the house.

"You don't have to worry about waking my father up. He took a last minute gig in Santa Barbara. He won't be back for a couple of hours."

"He left you alone on Christmas Eve?" Jax's eyes flashed with anger. "Why didn't you call me? You could have stayed with us."

Overnight at Gemma's house was not my idea of a merry Christmas. I'd spent the night once (described in a future chapter of Tara's Story) and it hadn't gone well. I didn't want a repeat of the experience.

"It's not a big deal. He'll be back in a few hours and we'll open presents a few hours later."

Jax took off his blue hoodie and draped it over a kitchen chair.

I was excited that Jax and I could open our presents to each other alone. It felt more romantic. We sat on the floor next to each other.

"You first," Jax said, handing me a silver wrapped present from underneath the tree.

I opened the package and found a bottle of cologne or perfume. I'm not even sure what the difference was between them. It was the first time I received fancy perfume.

I sprayed my wrist and then smelled it. It was heavenly, sort of warm, exotic and spicy.

I put my hand on Jax's thigh, leaned over and kissed him on the mouth.

"It's perfect. I love it."

"Let me see how it smells on you."

I held up my wrist for him to sniff.

"It smells even better on you than it did on Opie."

I laughed.

"Opie really put this on?"

"Yeah. I ran out of places to put the samples on me. I didn't want to sniff the counter girls' wrists so Opie had to step up. It took me over an hour to find the right one. I wanted something that reminds me of you. Something warm and sexy. I knew as soon as I smelled it on Opie that it was the right one."

Even after all this time, it brings a smile to my face when I think of Jax going perfume shopping and using Opie as a tester. It was just so sweet it made my heart hurt. Part of the gift was the time and effort he spent on picking it out. He had made a really big effort to get just the right perfume.

After that, one of his Christmas gifts to me was always that perfume. I only wore it when Jax and I were together. I used to spray it in my hair because it made the scent last the longest.

When I left Charming, I had some of the perfume left. I put it on for a date with a guy who was attractive and smart. The perfume was a big mistake because I couldn't get Jax out of my head. I felt like I was going through the heartbreak of leaving Charming and losing him all over again. I never saw the guy after that or wore the perfume with another guy.

Sometimes, I would put the perfume on when I was feeling especially heartbroken and, when I wanted to top off the heartbreak with even more heartbreak, I would play the CD Jax put together and gave me for my sixteenth birthday (from Tara's Story).

I used the perfume to my advantage after I returned to Charming to get Jax back. I would wear the perfume when I knew I'd see him. I knew the power of that fragrance and all the memories we made together when I wore it. I'm not saying, it brought us back together, but it helped.

I handed Jax one of his presents from me. It was a DVD set of Blackadder, the _Blackadder Goes Forth_ series set in WW1. Jax loved the Blackadder series from my father's impressive collection of DVDs. When I was looking on the internet, I discover there was this additional series that my father didn't have and Jax hadn't seen. He seemed happy with the gift.

Next he picked up another box about the same size as the first and shook it.

"I wonder what this could be?" Jax asked.

"You know. You got that for me," I reminded him.

"Oh, yeah," he said with a grin. "That's right. What do you think it is?"

He handed me the gift box also wrapped in silver. I shook it and frowned. It didn't rattle and it was really light.

"I'll open it and then I'll know," I said.

I carefully unwrapped the package. There was nothing inside the box. I wasn't sure what to do. Maybe he had forgotten to put the present inside the box. He was still grinning at me.

"Um . . . " I said. I couldn't figure out what to do. "It's still a mystery to me."

"It isn't the kind of gift I could really wrap. I am taking you somewhere on a trip for two days and nights. The destination is a secret and I'll give you your present there."

"Are you . . . did you . . ."

"Yes, I cleared it with your father and Gemma. Clay helped me convince her."

I threw my arms around Jax with so much enthusiasm that I knocked him over. He pulled me down on top of him.

"I've missed spending time with you. Just imagine two whole days just us," Jax said.

He kissed me then, a warm, passionate kiss that would have definitely made me dizzy if I had been standing up.

"When are we going?"

"The day after Christmas."

I know I had a big, silly smile on my face.

"I can hardly wait. Thank you."

He took my face in his hands.

"Tara, there's no pressure," he said, looking into my eyes.

"No pressure," I said.

I slipped out of his arms.

"Time for you to open your last present from me," I said.

I handed him the big framed poster I'd made of his father. I'd carefully wrapped it in green foil with a gold bow. I was suddenly overcome with insecurity. Maybe he wouldn't like it. Maybe he would think it was a terrible gift. I was sick with worry.

"Hmmm. I wonder what this could be."

"You'll never guess," I said.

"I think it's a poster."

"That's obvious. What's it of is the secret."

He tore into the wrapping paper, eager to see what kind of poster. He looked at it. There was a long agonizing silence.

"It's my father. How did you . . ."

"I made it. Opie helped me by getting me the boxes of pictures. You have to tell Gemma that you gave me the pictures. I told him you would cover for him."

He sat there looking at the poster.

"I picked out the four major times in your father's life, high school, Vietnam, SAMCRO and your birth," I said. I knew I was rambling out of nervousness. I thought it was the perfect gift, but it wasn't going over like that.

Jax continued to study the poster.

"It's like a real art picture. It's the best gift I've ever gotten in my whole life," he said. His voice was choked with emotion and his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

He carefully put the framed poster down and wrapped me in his arms.

"You are the world to me, Tara." He moved his lips close to my ear and whispered "I love you".

"You love me?" I whispered pulling away from him so I could see his face.

"I love you," he repeated a little louder.

For once Jax Teller's supreme self-confidence wavered. He was just another teen boy insecure because he wasn't sure if the girl he had just said I love you to felt the same way.

For me, it was a double revelation. I was seeing a vulnerable side to him. Best of all, he said the words I dreamed he would say.

I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. Beyond his movie star, blonde, blue-eyed, handsome face, he was this complex, smart guy with an incredible heart. And he loved me! I had the best life ever!

"I love you," I said also in a whisper.

It was a magical moment with the Christmas music playing softly and the room only lit from the lights from the tree. It felt like Jax was a present from Santa Claus. The best ever Santa present!

He smiled at me then, a sweet almost shy smile. He gathered me into his arms, but before he could kiss me, we heard the sound of the garage door opening. My father was back.

Jax released me.

"Day after tomorrow, 9 am and you don't need to bring food."

 _Will Jax and Tara get to have the romantic getaway that he planned for them or will his plans go horribly wrong in an unexpected way?_

 ** _As always, please review. I think that as a simple courtesy, if you read, you write a review. We're all adults and you can say terrible things if that's the way you feel. Give me one reason why any writer of fan fic should keep on writing when the readers don't seem to really care enough about the story to take two minutes out of their lives to write a note to the writer. I don't just mean me, I mean any fiction you read that you get for free._**

 **NEXT UP** I am hoping to post another chapter in a few days. My goal is to have this story complete around New Year's.

 **NEXT UP FOR ME** I hope to post a short chapter of Jax Is Really Alive this week.


	5. Chapter 5

9

 **Tara's Still**

 **Perfectly Imperfect Christmas**

 **Chapter 5 GTA**

 **Chapter 4 Recap**

Tara's father takes a last minute gig with his band The Fire Ants leaving Tara home alone on Christmas Eve. Jax comes by after midnight and knocks on her door. Since it's Christmas, they open their gifts to each other. Jax gives her a bottle of expensive perfume that he spent an hour picking out with Opie, who pitched in by letting Jax spray him with perfume when he ran out of places on himself to test.

Tara gives him DVDs and the art poster she made of his father. Jax becomes emotional when he sees the poster. He tells her it's the best present he's ever gotten. He tells her loves her for the first time. For a few moments, Tara sees Jax Teller's supreme self-confidence waver and he's just a teenaged boy who tells his girlfriend he loves her and is afraid that she won't say it back. Tara tells Jax she loves him.

Jax tells Tara he has one more present for her. He has gotten the approval of her father and Gemma and he is taking Tara to a cabin for two days and nights. Clay owed him for work and a guy with a cabin owed him for auto repair. A barter was made. Jax has one last Christmas present for her that he will give to her at the cabin.

 **Chapter 5**

My father and Jax exchanged greetings. He wasn't surprised to see Jax. He knew Jax usually stayed with me when he was gone on his weekend gigs with his band. It wasn't an issue for him. If anything, I think he liked knowing that I wouldn't be alone and he also liked Jax.

"Do you want to open presents now?" my father asked me.

"No, let's wait until later, so we both can get some sleep," I said.

"I have to go," Jax said. "Remember the day after Christmas. I'll pick you up at 9 o'clock. You don't need to bring any food or anything."

"OK," I said.

He kissed me on the cheek and left. I locked the door behind him. My father and I talked briefly and then we each headed off to bed.

My father managed to do something I never thought he was capable of doing—surprising me in a good way. It was amazing. I hadn't been expecting much of anything because he hadn't celebrated Christmas since my grandmother died and it was only at my insistence that we even had a tree. He gave me a gift card to Amazon and a knee length turquoise T-shirt with the name of his band, The Fire Ants, on it with the band's logo, a drawing with ants literally on fire. The band sold a lot of T-shirts because the logo was so cool.

There were three new presents under the tree. My father confessed that he kept them in his car so it would be a really big surprise for me. That really touched my heart because it meant he had actually put some thought into Christmas. I think that all my Christmas baking and decorating had a good influence on him and he had gotten into the holiday spirit.

We had come through some difficult times that I didn't think our relationship would be able to withstand, but things were in a good place at least for that Christmas. I learned that I couldn't expect my father to be a father like other fathers. He didn't have any experience as a father because he left when I was so young. He was trying to learn his role and he wasn't a quick learner. For my part, I was always working on being more patient with him and not comparing him with my idea of a perfect father and then faulting him for failing to live up to my ideal.

The first present I opened was a food processor. It was a really high end food processor. The second was a top of the line stand mixture with all kinds of attachments from a dough hook to a pasta maker. The final present was an ice cream maker attachment for the stand mixer. I never would have asked for such expensive presents, but I was delighted with them.

We never had much money at Christmas, so receiving so many expensive presents was overwhelming. My father had actually shocked me with his generosity.

"The presents are so wonderful, but I think you spent too much money."

"Tara, I was trying to remember the last time I gave you a Christmas present and I realized that I have never gotten you a Christmas present. Before your mom and I got divorced, she bought all your Christmas presents. I'm sorry that I just dropped out of your life when your mom and I split.

"I thought a lot about what you would really like and I asked Bang's wife (Bang's the drummer for The Fire Ants) what kind of gifts someone who cooks a lot would like for Christmas. She helped me choose. The only thing I wasn't sure about was the color for the mixer. I was torn between the light blue and the purple one. I finally decided on the blue. If you want to change the color, I saved the receipt."

"It's perfect. I love that robin's egg blue color. It's a happy color."

My father completely surprised me because he had put thought and effort in choosing presents. He really was making an effort to be a better father to me.

"I can hardly wait to use them."

"I thought about giving them to you early. It would have made all your baking a lot easier."

"Now, I'll appreciate them even more. It was so thoughtful. I've dreamed of having a food processor and a stand mixer for a while. Thank you so much."

My father opened his presents. I did the traditional presents. I got him several pairs of heavily padded socks. I know he stands a lot for his job, so I thought it would help. His big gift was the entire boxed set of a British comedy called _Coupling_. I found it online when I was looking for DVDs. I hadn't seen any of the shows, but I used reviews from people and it sounded like it was great and Jax and I could watch it too.

We spent Christmas day together. My father and I watched two episodes of _Coupling_. I read the little recipe booklets that came with the food processor and the stand mixer trying to decide what I wanted to make first.

The next morning, I was up early. I had barely gotten any sleep the night before because I was so excited about my trip with Jax. I packed a few things for my getaway with Jax, but I didn't listen to him when he said not to bring food. It's always good to have snacks.

Going away with Jax for two days felt a little like going away on a honeymoon. I'd been afraid to have sex with Jax because to share such an intimate experience would make a break-up even more painful.

I know sex wasn't a big deal for Jax. He'd been with girls since he was fifteen. He told me that for him, it was just doing something pleasurable and it had nothing to do with how he felt about the girl. He also told me he'd never had sex with a girl he loved. He hoped the emotional disconnect would end then.

When he told me he loved me early Christmas morning that was kind of the last barrier for me. I wasn't going to have sex with him until I knew he loved me. I didn't want to be one of the girls he had sex with and then discarded. I knew it would kill me if we had sex and split up. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing him making out with girls in the hall and hearing the rumors of all the girls he was having sex with.

I'm sure everyone assumed that once I started dating Jax that we were having sex right away because that's his reputation only he usually didn't bother with the date and just skipped to sex. We weren't having sex, but we discussed it and Jax surprised me by telling me that he would wait until I was ready and there was no pressure.

I naively asked him what would happen if I were ready and he wasn't ready. He flashed me that Jax Teller grin and laughed. He pointed out that he was a sixteen year old boy and sex is all he thinks, but, since we got together, that had changed so now all he thinks about is having sex with me.

I felt like I was ready and this two night getaway was the perfect time. Just the two of us somewhere romantic because anytime I was with Jax it was romantic. I shut my eyes for a second and imagined his hands on my body undressing me, caressing me, stroking my bare skin . . . My fantasy was interrupted by Jax's knock on the door.

My father told him to drive carefully and then we were off. I know people thought it was strange for my father to give me so much freedom, but he always told me it was because he trusted me to make good decisions. He had a very laid back, never worry about anything personality. It used to cause conflict between us because I associated worrying about someone with love and he didn't work that way. I misinterpreted his attitude to mean he didn't care about me. It had taken time and a lot of misunderstandings before I realized his lack of worry didn't mean he lacked love for me.

Jax was using the car Teller-Morrow got some time last month. It was for parts runs and as a loaner for people needing a temporary car while their car was being fixed. That was its technical tax use, but the car was more for Jax and Opie to use as their own. It was an older car, but the blue body was in great shape and it ran well.

Once we were outside Charming, Jax insisted I wear a blindfold. He wanted to keep our destination a secret to the last possible moment. I was just so happy I would have agreed to just about anything. Here I was off on a trip with the guy I loved me and who loved me back! It was so perfect.

Thoughts of sex kept spinning around inside my head. I blamed it on the blindfold. I couldn't see anything and the radio in the car didn't work. I needed something to occupy my mind. Jax was telling me about his first day of kindergarten with Opie, but my mind just couldn't focus. Who knew? Girls can have sex on the brain too!

We had been driving for about an hour when I noticed Jax kept looking in the rear view mirror. He began to slow down.

"We're getting pulled over," he said. "I don't know why. I wasn't even speeding."

"Driver, put your window down, turn off your engine and throw the keys out of the window," the police officer said using the car's PA system.

"Just stay calm and it's going to be OK," Jax said.

"Driver, open the door from the outside and get out of the car. Put your hands up," the officer said continuing to use the PA system.

I got this sinking feeling in my stomach. Something was really wrong. Cops giving tickets don't order the driver out of a car using a PA system.

I heard Jax open the car door and get out. I was afraid to move my hands and take off the blindfold because I was afraid the cop would think I was getting a gun or something and he would shoot me. I moved my shoulder to move the blindfold down enough so I could see what was going on.

"Driver, walk backwards to the sound of my voice and keep your hands up."

I was a little slow on law enforcement procedures because it only hit me then that the officer was following felony stop procedures. I'd seen them once when a guy robbed a check cashing place near my aunt's work.

"Lie flat on the ground and cross you ankles."

The officer left his car and walked up to Jax. He cuffed him, stood him up and then searched him. He put him into the back of his police cruiser. Something was really wrong.

My heart hammered painfully in my chest. I was terrified Jax was going to jail. I was fearful that I was going to end up in jail.

 _What if the car were stolen?_

 **NEXT UP**

Much of this story actually takes place after Christmas. I didn't sync it with the actual date of Christmas for this reason. I think there are three or four chapters left and I am trying to post a chapter a week to wrap this story up in January.

Jax plans go wrong for their getaway in a very unexpected way. Jax and Tara will change four lives forever. And you will never guess what happens next and there's an incredibly sweet twist that you will never see coming.


	6. Chapter 6

11

 **Tara's Still**

 **Perfectly Imperfect Christmas**

 **Chapter 6 Chained**

 **Chapter 5 Recap**

Tara and her father spend a nice quiet Christmas together. Her father actually put thought and effort into picking out presents for her. He gives her a food processor and a stand mixer as well as a few smaller presents.

While waiting for Jax the day after Christmas, Tara thinks about sex and reveals that she and Jax haven't taken their relationship to that level yet, but they have discussed it. She thinks that this two day getaway might be the right time.

 **Author's Note: I always ask for reviews and I always reply to them. I can't reply to guest reviews or reviews when people don't log in to their account. When you get messages or reviews, there's a little reply bubble that you click to do a reply. I have received a couple of messages from Huntert, but since there's no reply link, I haven't been able to respond. I don't know if she's the same person as HunterT, so I didn't want to respond to HunterT in case it's a different person. I just want to thank Huntert for her comments and messages. It felt really good to get such wonderful comments.**

 **Chapter 6 Chained**

I have always hated roller coasters. They are high up in the air and the supports don't look substantial enough to hold up the roller coaster cars. I'm not sure which I hate more that long pull and the cranking sound as the roller coaster cars are being pulled up to the top of a great big hill or that terrifying stomach churning high speed descent. I can make myself go on the ride despite my fear because I can calm that fear by reminding myself roller coaster cars hardly ever crash, so statistics were on my side. This felt like the roller coaster only this time the statistics weren't on my side. This roller coaster could go off the tracks.

I was so scared that Jax and I were going to get arrested, I thought I was going to pass out or throw up. Jax told me that Opie had gotten locked up over a misunderstanding with a car (Tara's Story). I wondered if this were the same type of situation.

SAMCRO would be crazy to use a stolen car in their TM business—unless they were counting on Unser to cover up the fact the car was stolen. They might not consider it a risk under those circumstances. Jax might not even know the car was stolen.

We had been pulled over on the freeway. The officer was CHP (California Highway Patrol). I wondered if Unser would be able to help us. He was law enforcement after all.

Opie had gotten locked up over a misunderstanding with a car, so that might not be a possibility. If he had any power, surely he would have gotten Opie out of whatever misunderstanding there was over a car. I didn't think we could count on Unser to help us. We had to get out of whatever this was on our own.

Worst case, I'd get arrested and strip searched. It would be humiliating, but I could get through it. I could get out on bail. I just needed to be calm.

The officer sat back inside the car and seemed to be using the computer in it. He finally left the car. It seemed to take forever for him to walk from his patrol car back to the Crown Vic. I made productive use of this time by remembering all the girls behind bars movies and TV shows I'd seen. Of course, this only heightened my anxiety.

I knew I had to be strong, but I couldn't find it anywhere inside me. It's the law abiding citizen's worst nightmare—getting arrested for something you didn't do. Most of the prison movies and TV shows I watched were about innocent girls put in jail and the horrors that happened to them. Why did I think it was a good idea to think about prison movies and TV shows? Why was I such an idiot? I should have known something horrible was bound to happen. My life was going just a little too well.

The officer cautiously approached the driver's side with his hand on his holster. The door was still open from Jax's exit.

"Can you remove the blindfold?"

Once I'd moved the blindfold up enough to see, I'd forgotten about it because I was so consumed with fear.

"Sure," I said. I slipped the blindfold up and over my head.

"Why are your hands shaking?" the officer asked me in a surprisingly kind tone of voice.

"I'm scared," I admitted.

"What did that guy do to you?"

"He hasn't done anything to me."

"Why are scared then?"

"I'm afraid you will arrest us. We haven't done anything wrong."

"What's your name?"

"Tara Knowles."

He turned and spoke into the radio attached to his uniform.

" _You_ aren't in trouble. What's with the blindfold? Who is that guy to you?"

My fear lessened when he said I wasn't in trouble, but I was still worried about Jax.

"He's my boyfriend. As part of my Christmas present, he was taking me somewhere. He wanted to surprise me, that's why I had the blindfold."

"Do you know what I saw?"

I shook my head.

"A girl who might be kidnapped. I had to make sure you were OK."

He was right. To someone driving past, they could think I was being kidnapped. I don't know why this never occurred to us.

"I didn't think of how it could look to strangers. I get it now. It did look suspicious. I appreciate you looking out for me."

"Your boyfriend ever hit you? Make you do something you don't want to?"

"No. If he hits me, that's it for us. He would never do that to me though."

"OK. I'm going to talk to your boyfriend. If his story matches yours, then you both will be free to leave. Just lose the blindfold. If you want to do the blindfold thing again, put sunglasses over it, so it can't be seen."

"Thank you, officer."

The officer returned to his cruiser. I saw him open the passenger's door and talk to Jax. Jax got out of the car and the officer unlocked the handcuffs and removed them. They continued to talk for a few minutes, but they were relaxed and smiling.

As quickly as it began, the nightmare was over. Relief flooded my body. I was ecstatic that no one was getting arrested. That meant no jail beat downs and rapes for Jax and me and we still got to take our trip!

Jax picked up the keys he had thrown out the window, got in the car and shut the door.

"You OK?" he asked, his fingers brushing my cheek tenderly.

"Now I am."

He kissed me lightly on the lips before starting the car.

"You looked pretty scared," he said.

"I was more than scared. Terrified doesn't cover it. I don't have a word in my vocabulary that can describe just how scared I was. When he ordered you out with the cruiser's PA system, I was worried. I knew it wasn't a regular traffic stop. When he cuffed you and put you in his car, I thought he was arresting you."

"I thought so too. It was crazy. I guess you have figured out where I'm taking you."

I looked at the freeway signs, but it didn't mean anything to me. I hadn't seen much of California outside of Charming.

"I don't have a clue."

He grinned.

"Great. It will be an evolving surprise then."

"An evolving surprise, huh? No blindfold?"

"No blindfold. I learned that lesson. If I ever kidnap a girl, no blindfold."

"Also if you're _not_ kidnapping a girl, no blindfold," I said.

"Oh, yeah. That too."

Jax pulled the car back on the freeway and we continued on. The terrain changed as the car climbed the long winding mountain roads. Snow began to appear first as a light dusting and then, as we went higher, a thick blanket.

"Snow. I've never seen California snow before," I said.

Jax laughed at my excitement.

"Is there a difference between the two?"

"The snow I saw in Chicago and the suburbs where I lived covered the ground and the roads. The first time it snowed, it was so clean and beautiful, but then as it melts and as they clear the roads, it gets dirty, gray and slushy. Then there's the ice. You can be walking along and suddenly you hit a patch of ice and you're fighting to not fall. I'm not that coordinated, so I fell a lot. I hate ice."

"What about shoveling snow?"

"I didn't have to shovel snow. We always lived in an apartment and, as part of it, the snow was cleared. So, tell me about where we're going, I can hardly wait to get there."

"We're staying in a mountain cabin. Clay owed me money for work at TM. This guy Clay knows comes in and needs his car fixed. He's short on cash but he has a cabin in the mountains, so we made a deal. He gets his car fixed for free, I get the cabin for two days and Clay doesn't have to pay me.

"I'm so excited. It was sweet of you to remember I said I missed snow at Christmas."

"Part of it was for me. I haven't really ever been around snow before."

"It's a different experience driving to see snow. When you live where it snows, the first snow is usually a light sprinkling kind of snow. That first deep snow blankets everything making the world so clean and new. It always seemed magical to me to go to sleep and wake up and the whole world has changed."

"The only time I've seen snow was in Charming when they had Snow Day. They bring in a couple of truckloads of snow for the kids to play in."

"That's great. This will be a completely new experience for you."

We stopped and got fast food. It was just burgers and fries, but it was a treat. Charming doesn't have any fast food franchises. We continued to drive another two hours.

"We're almost there," Jax said as he glanced down at a piece of paper.

He turned left and there was an adorable "A" frame cabin. He pulled around to the back and parked. We got out of the car, put on our coats and unloaded the car. I carried in my bag and Jax's. He grabbed the bags with food.

The cabin was beautiful. The "A" frame had two opposite walls that were almost all of glass. The interior was all open with the exception of a hall that I guessed led to the bedrooms. There was a big cozy couch and two love seats upholstered in denim and arranged around the gray cobble stone fireplace with a TV mounted above it. There was a thick fluffy ivory colored rug that stretched in front of the fireplace.

"Wow, this place is great," I said.

"The guy said the cabin was really nice, but I figured that meant it wasn't a dump. This place is ski lodge nice," Jax said.

"It even has a spiral staircase and a loft."

"I'm dying to get outside and stretch my legs after that drive. We can look around later."

Jax put the food away that needed refrigeration and we left.

We waded through a beautiful expanse of unbroken snow.

"This is definitely, not like Charming's Snow Day. I didn't know it would be so hard to walk."

"When I was little, I would lose my shoes and have to dig them out."

Jax laughed.

We walked hand in hand (technically glove in glove) for several minutes. Delicate wisps of snow began to fall. That was another thing I loved about snow, it fell silently so if you didn't look out the window, you wouldn't know it was there. It sneaked up on you.

"I've never seen it snow before either," Jax said. "Just on TV."

We stopped and Jax let go of my hand. He looked all around at the falling snow.

"It's really beautiful. I see why you missed it."

"I had this history class. It was one of the few classes that had a window in it. Whenever it would snow, I would always watch the snow, hoping it would snow hard enough to get out of school early. The only day we got out early for snow, I was home sick with the flu."

Jax laughed and grabbed my hands.

"Tara when you smile it's like sunrise—warm and full of promise. Is that cheesy?"

I shook my head.

"No. I think it's sweet."

I was one of the few who got to see Jax's vulnerable romantic side. That was the Jax I returned to Charming to get back. He had such a good heart despite everything he had seen and done.

"Remember Christmas when you gave me the poster of my father? I didn't mean to tell you I loved you then. It kind of slipped out."

He looked at me and my heart hammered painfully in my chest. I hoped this conversation wasn't going to a bad place. I don't know what was wrong with me, but I always used to do that—think things were going to a bad place. I think I did it so I was prepared for the bad. You don't have to prepare to get good news.

"I wanted to tell you here in the snow. It was going to be perfect."

"Jax, it _was_ perfect. A beautiful Christmas tree with colorful lights and you. It was perfect and I will never forget it."

"I was going to give you your Christmas present and tell you then."

I smiled. It was just so sweet that he had actually planned when he was going to tell me he loved me. My heart felt all warm and happy.

He used his teeth to pull off his gloves before stuffing them into his jacket pocket. He pulled out something from a zippered pocket in his jacket.

"I was going to say something like I was giving you all of my heart," he said. He looked down and once again that cool Jax Teller exterior cracked and he was just a boy telling a girl about his feelings and he was embarrassed and achingly vulnerable.

He held up a silver chain made entirely of heart shaped links cleverly designed so it would lay flat against the skin.

"It's beautiful."

Jax smiled and slipped the chain over my head.

"Tara, I love you. You will always have my heart—every little piece of it."

My eyes filled with tears. I was overcome with love and happiness. I think it was the first time I ever had tears in my eyes from happiness.

"Oh, Jax. I love you so much. I was so afraid that you would never feel the same way."

He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me, a sweet, tender, lover's kiss. The wind picked up and the snow fell thicker and faster.

"As much as I don't want to let you go, I think we need to get inside."

"I can't believe the always hot as hell Jax Teller actually feels cold."

Jax bit my earlobe playfully.

"True, I _am_ hot," he said with a cocky grin, "but you look cold."

I stood on tiptoe.

"I think we should go to bed early tonight," I whispered in his ear.

"Really?" he asked, a smile hovering at the corners of his mouth.

I nodded.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was a long, lingering and dizzying kiss. With an amused smile on his face, he steadied me after he released me because he knew his kiss caused my head to spin in the best possible way.

Hand in hand, we returned to the cabin.

"We didn't leave the lights on, did we?" Jax asked, frowning.

"I don't think we even turned them on."

"Guess we're about to find out," Jax said, as he unlocked the door.

 **Next Up:**

Jax plans go wrong for their getaway in a very unexpected way. Jax and Tara will change four lives forever. And you will never guess what happens next and there's an incredibly sweet twist that you will never see coming. I plan to post another chapter in this story next week. I am still on schedule to wrap this story in January.

 **Next Up for Me:**

The Jax Is Really Alive chapter is delayed because as usual it took me longer to do the rewrites for Tara's Christmas story. Instead of doing a straight quick rewrite, I am adding new content. I don't write fast and I don't write once. Everything I write is rewritten at least three times. I really wish I could just do it right the first time, but I don't think I will ever be able to do that. I'll ask Santa for that for Christmas and see how it goes.

I hope to upload the new chapter next week depending on its length or definitely the week after. It may depend on if Santa gives me the gift of being never having to rewrite.


	7. Chapter 7

14

 **Tara's Still**

 **Perfectly Imperfect**

 **Christmas**

 **Chapter 6 Recap**

Jax and Tara are pulled over on their way to his surprise destination. The highway patrol officer sees that Tara is blindfolded and is concerned that she is being kidnapped. After questioning them, he lets them go.

Their trip brings them to snow. It's a chance for Tara to see it again and it's a new experience for Jax. Once again, he tells her that he loves her. Tara thinks it might be the right time to take their relationship to the next level.

Just as they return to the cabin, they discover the lights are on and they didn't turn them on.

 **Chapter 7 Family**

I walked into the cabin and stopped. The mystery of the lights was solved. There was a partial family in the cabin. The father was medium height with a stout slightly pudgy build, light brown hair and hazel eyes. Two boys and a girl were sitting in a row on the couch.

"Let me guess," the man said. "My sister owed you money and loaned you the cabin in payment."

"That's pretty close."

"Is it just you two?"

"Yes. My name is Jax Teller and this is my girlfriend Tara Knowles."

"I'm Adam Lancaster. My older boy is Connor, my younger boy is Tyler and my daughter is Lucy. Jax, let me grab my jacket and we'll go outside and talk."

He and Jax left me standing awkwardly in the hall.

"Are your parents coming?" Lucy asked.

"No."

"Where are they?"

Lucy was about seven with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She reminded me a lot of myself at that age.

"My mom died when I was about your age. I lived with my aunt. She died about nine months ago. Now I live with my father in a little town named Charming."

"How did your mom die?"

"She got cancer."

The little girl was looking at me solemnly. I could feel her heartbreak. I was sure her mother had also died.

"Do you still miss your mom?"

I nodded.

"I'm always going to miss her, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did when it first happened."

"My mommy died too."

"I'm sorry. I know how hard that is, but it gets better with time."

The older son was a blonde, blue-eyed boy of about eight or nine. He hand was glued to his hand held video game. The younger blonde haired brown-eyed boy looked to be about four or five. He was watching me warily as though he wasn't quite sure what to make of me.

"She was a soldier and they were training in a helicopter and it landed too hard," Lucy said.

"Your mom was a hero."

"She wasn't a hero. It was just an accident."

"Anyone who joins the military is a hero because when you join the military, you promise to defend our country even if it means you have to give up your life. That's brave. Even cops or firefighters don't make that promise. Your mom may have been killed in a training accident, but she was still a hero."

Lucy's eyes filled with tears and little Tyler looked a little teary-eyed too. Connor paused his game.

"Cops don't promise to die?" Connor asked me.

I was surprised that he was listening to the conversation. He had seemed so engrossed in his game.

"No. They only promise to protect and serve. More soldiers get killed every year than cops and I don't mean just in fighting. The training is dangerous too. Your mom faced danger in that helicopter and still she got on it, knowing there was danger. That's brave.

"Soldiers are expected to defend this country with their lives if necessary. It doesn't matter whether they agree with the orders or not. It doesn't matter if they like the president. Cops can quit their jobs and move. In the military, soldiers are told where they have to live. Cops go home to their families after work. Soldiers can be given tours of duty that cause them to be away from their families for many months. Many soldiers don't even get to see the birth of their children. Through all these hardships, they are still doing their jobs by keeping us safe. Your mom died for this country. She will always be a hero to me."

"I never thought of it like that. I've just been so mad at her for dying," Lucy said.

"That's how I felt too when my mom died. I thought if she fought harder or if she loved me enough she could beat cancer. It's easier to be angry than it is to be heartbroken, but the heartbreak will get better with time."

"My mom was brave," Connor said slowly. "She _was_ a hero. She knew there was danger."

Lucy and Tyler looked at Connor and then nodded their heads in agreement with their big brother.

Jax and Adam returned. Jax took me outside to explain the situation.

"Adam's parents own this cabin. His sister occasionally loans out the cabin. She's a little strange. She's a matchmaker. She also does aura healing and psychic cleansing. Despite all that, Adam trusts her judgement. She introduced him to his wife when she loaned her the cabin. The next time she loaned the cabin, Adam made an important work connection.

"He doesn't know why she thought we should be here with him and his kids. He doesn't know if it's just about needing the repairs done and not having the money or if she sees some great cosmic reason for us to be here, but whatever the reason, he's OK with us staying. He only has two conditions. We can't share a bed or have sex. Since his kids are here, I think that's fair." Jax shut his eyes for a moment. "It would have been so nice to have this place all too ourselves, but we've waited this long, a few more days won't matter."

"That's great. I'm glad we don't have to leave."

I was relieved and disappointed at the same time. I wanted to have sex with Jax, but, at the same time, the idea scared the hell out of me. I was afraid it would either go wrong or it would change our relationship in a bad way.

We returned inside and found the kids putting on their coats, hats and mufflers.

"We're going to go sledding. Do you want to come?" Lucy asked me.

"I'd love to," I said enthusiastically. "I haven't been sledding since I was your age and Jax has _never_ been sledding."

"Do you mind if we go with you?" Jax asked Adam.

"Not at all. Let's go."

The family had a collection of sleds. They had three of those big red metal shaped saucers. You sit in it and slide down the hill. I had one when I was Lucy's age. They also had a big toboggan that could easily fit four.

Adam with the kids on the toboggan pulled it down the hill they used for sledding several times to pack the snow down. Once Adam and the kids were on the toboggan, Jax gave them a push to start them down the hill.

It was a perfect place for sleds. There weren't any trees nearby and it was steep enough to be fun, but not so steep that it was too dangerous.

We waited until the family moved out of the way before we used the red metal saucers. Jax gave me a push before pushing off and jumping into his saucer. The cold wind in my face and the exhilaration of racing down the hill all came back to me from my childhood. I felt like a kid again, worry-free and happy.

Jax had an ear to ear smile on his face when he reached the bottom of the hill.

"That was fun!" Jax said.

"I love sledding," I said.

We took turns going down the hill with the kids on the toboggan or we would use the red saucers.

I began to notice that Adam was breathing with his mouth open. In cold weather, people usually don't do that. It sends cold air into the lungs. He was also pausing between words when he spoke to take a breath of air. It almost sounded like he was panting.

"Are you OK?" I asked when the kids were with Jax at the bottom of the hill.

"I have mild asthma. It only bothers me sometimes at night and in cold weather. I don't want the kids to know. They'll worry that they are going to lose me."

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" I asked. "If your inhaler is in the cabin, I could get it for you."

"Thanks, but I'm going inside. That's the only thing that will really help. I'm making a huge vat of chili. I think it would be nice to all have dinner together."

"I'd like that. I'm sure it would be OK with Jax. I think we'll stay out a bit longer. We can keep an eye on the kids for you."

Adam gathered the kids together and explained that he was going inside. He pointed to an area and reminded them it was a frozen over pond and they weren't allowed over there. He told them if they wanted to stay out, they would need to come in when Jax and I came in and they needed to do what we told them. Tyler went inside with his father. Lucy and Connor stayed with us.

We continued sledding down the hill until I didn't think my legs could make it up that hill again. After we put away the sleds and returned to the cabin, it felt like heaven. There was a fire blazing in the fireplace and the aroma of chili promised a delicious dinner.

That was kind of a magical time for us because we really enjoyed being with that family. There are people you meet and you just fit together. That's the way it was for all of us. After Adam's wonderful chili, Lucy asked me if I had make-up with me. She wanted to do my make-up. I used to do this with my mother. Of course, I agreed. We went up to the loft so the boys (including Adam and Jax) had the downstairs for their toy cars and snap together blocks.

Lucy loved putting make-up on me. She would do a day make-up on one side of my face and a night look on the other side. I'd wash it off and she'd start again.

It was a bittersweet experience for me. It brought such strong memories of my mother to me. Still after almost ten years, the sadness was there. I could push it away now. That was the difference. I focused on Lucy instead of myself.

As her shyness fell away, she told me all kinds of things from her favorite foods to her favorite TV shows. She even whispered in my ear that my boyfriend was really cute. I told her he was too old for her. She giggled.

For a moment, I imagined what my life would be like in twenty years. Jax and I would be married with two little boys and a little girl. Maybe we would even have a cabin in the mountains. It would be filled with warmth and happiness. That was long before the realities of SAMCRO would destroy my dreams and Gemma would take my life.

I was even excited about the sleeping arrangements. Jax and I were sleeping in the same room. We had the top bunks. Lucy had the bed under me and Connor had the bed under Jax. I'd always wanted to sleep in a top bunk. Tyler was sleeping in a twin bed in the master bedroom and Adam slept in the double bed. Since his mother's death six months ago, Tyler refused to sleep in his own bedroom. He insisted on sleeping with his father. I think he was just afraid he would lose him too.

Lucy woke me up in the morning. We tiptoed out of the room so we wouldn't wake Connor and Jax. We would wake everyone up with the smell of breakfast.

We checked out the food supply and decided on bacon and French toast. I taught Lucy about reading directions on packages, which sounds basic but a lot of people just assume they know how to cook something. We put the bacon in the oven to cook. No grease splatters to the face and it's an easy way to make a lot of bacon at once.

While the bacon cooked, Lucy and I set the table and she prepared the egg mixture for the French toast at my direction. Once the bacon was done, I lowered the oven temperature to low so we could use it to keep the French toast warm as we prepared it.

Lucy was a good student and she seemed to really enjoy cooking. We decided to make a lot of French toast so there would be leftovers that could be microwaved for tomorrow's breakfast.

Everyone got up within a few minutes of each other. Breakfast is a great wake-up call. And it's even better if you aren't the one cooking it.

My aunt wasn't given to physical affection. I could count the number of times she hugged me on the fingers on one hand with fingers left over. It wasn't until her death that I realized she showed me she loved me in little ways like making me breakfast even when I was old enough to make my own. With school and her schedule, we seldom had lunch or dinner together, but she made sure we always had breakfast together. I wished I could go back and tell her how much I appreciated everything she did for me.

Lucy was proud of herself for making breakfast. For the first time in my life, I wanted to have a baby. Not soon or anything. In the future. I loved having Lucy around and I loved teaching her things.

I'm not sure when, but at some point we decided to pool our food and eat all our meals together. For lunch, we would eat the food Jax brought—fried chicken, potato salad, Cole slaw and sandwiches which I remembered from the first time Jax stayed with me after my aunt's death. (Tara's Story)

There are some people you effortlessly mesh with and that was the relationship Jax and I formed with Adam and his kids. He made us feel welcome and he entrusted his kids to us. He stayed inside while Jax and I took the kids sledding. Even clingy little Tyler came with us. That little guy ripped my heart up. He was so young. He would probably have few memories of his mother. No wonder the poor little guy clung to his dad.

We ate lunch, took a break inside before we returned to sledding. Adam came out for an hour or so before going inside. This time Tyler went with him.

I suggested we have a snowball fight. Lucy told me she couldn't throw very well. I explained my plan and she giggled when I told her her part.

My plan was simple: I would run, Jax would chase after me, I would fall and pretend I hurt my ankle. While he was bent over to help me, Lucy would run out from behind the tree she was going to hide behind and throw snow all over Jax. There was just one little problem, I hadn't factored in Connor.

I ran, I fell and I pretended to hurt my ankle. Jax bent over to check out my injury. Lucy ran out from behind the tree and pelted Jax with a bunch of snowballs she'd made and put in her hat for storage.

I started sweeping snow up into the air so it would fall all over Jax. It was the snow equivalent of splashing water on someone.

Connor ran over to help Jax. The snowball fight ended up in a wild free for all. A short time later, we had all collapsed in the snow exhausted by the intensity of the snowball fight.

Lucy and Connor decided to go inside. Jax and I remained outside. We hadn't had a lot of alone time. Jax held his hand out to me and pulled me to my feet.

"Having fun?" he asked.

"This has been great. The snow, the family and you."

"Why am I third in that list?"

"You put snow down the back of my jacket. I'm holding a grudge."

"How much of a grudge are you holding?"

"You _might_ be able to get back on my good side."

"What a relief! You had me worried for a second."

"You are entirely too sure of yourself, Mr. Teller."

"Come on, baby, give me a kiss."

"I can't believe a line like that actually works."

"You owe me. Pretending to hurt your ankle, so Lucy could attack me. Girls with their tricks."

"Boys with their . . ."

He kissed me before I could finish my sentence, which was probably a good thing. It was a short kiss. We had to go inside a minute or so later. It was cold and the snow was really starting to come down. Between the snow fall and the snowball fight, Jax and I were covered in snow.

Adam turned out a flawless dinner of homemade chili cheese dogs and tempura battered onion rings. It was such a luxury for me to have someone cook for me. My father's cooking still consisted of whatever he could find in the frozen food section of the grocery store.

After dinner, Lucy wanted me to show her some different hairstyles. We went up to the loft and I began showing her how to do the half up half down pony tail. Her hands weren't used to working with the hair elastics. She called down to her father for help.

"The things I do for my daughter," he said good-naturedly as he climbed the spiral staircase.

The loft was simply furnished with bookshelves, books, pillows and a series of mirrors placed on the wall to look like long narrow windows.

While Lucy was in front of the mirror, I showed her and Adam different pony tails and how to braid hair. Adam was an attentive pupil. He wanted to make sure he could help his little girl do her hair. It was so sweet it made my heart ache. I wished my father loved me like that.

After the lesson was over, Adam returned to the boys and their toys.

Lucy told me how lucky I was because my father gave me so much freedom. I told her I'd trade it for half the love her father had in his heart for her. She gave me a hug to cheer me up.

Later, we all watched a movie. Adam made popcorn and we passed out the cookies I'd brought. I'd brought enough of the Five Dollar Christmas tree cookies so each kid got a cookie. Tyler's eyes lit up when he saw the size of the cookie. He told me he'd never seen a cookie that big before in this _entire_ life making us all laugh.

Jax and I held hands. We were at that stage where we were so in love it was magical just being in the same room, breathing the same air. I felt love for Jax throughout my whole body, kind of lighting me up with warmth and soaring happiness. There's nothing like first love to brighten the world.

The kids went to bed. Jax and I stayed up. Adam told us about his business making educational films for schools along with study guides to help the teacher lead a discussion about the film.

He seemed like he wanted to tell us something but he was having a hard time figuring out how to do it.

"While you two were outside alone, my kids wanted to have a family meeting. They wanted me to ask you if you could stay longer. Since my wife's death, we've been back to the cabin a few times, but it just hasn't been the same without her. I've been telling my kids since their mother died that she was a hero, but I haven't been able to get through to them. Tara talks to them for a couple of minutes and now they get it."

"It wasn't a big deal. Sometimes, kids just need to hear a different voice."

Adam shook his head.

"You're wrong. It's a big deal for _my_ kids. Maybe my kooky, wacky sister knew what she was doing when she loaned you the cabin because the two of you have been miracle workers. Clingy Tyler actually went outside with you today without me. That's a big step forward for him. Connor has been the quiet big brother, not at all like his normal, happy, talkative self. I'm starting to see him come back to life, thanks to you, Jax. And Tara, you have done so much with Lucy. Her mom used to help her with her hair. I've offered to help her, but she hasn't been interested. Tonight, I couldn't believe she was calling to me from the loft to come learn how to do her hair," Adam paused, his voice choked with emotion.

"I know from my kids that both of you have lost a parent. I think that's one of the reasons you have connected with my kids. They see the two of you and they know that they can get through losing their mom. I also know that you have been helping me with the toboggan and red saucers and doing some of the physical stuff with the kids because of my asthma. The kids don't realize it, but I know. I hope both of you can stay a few more days as our guests. Despite the short time that's passed, we have _all_ come to love you like family."

That love would be tested in a few days when Jax and Adam would come to blows and a life would hang in the balance.

 **Author's Note** I made some changes to this chapter from the original to give it a kind of magical, mystical component by adding in Adam's sister who has a talent for putting people together. I really liked the idea of adding a little more magic to the story.

 **Next Up: Falling**

I am still on track to post a chapter a week. There are two chapters remaining.

 **Next Up for Me:**

I plan on doing a chapter for Jax Is Really Alive for next week. I still hope to do that. It may end up a short chapter with another to follow. The story is at a critical juncture and I have to get it right.


	8. Chapter 8

12

 **Tara's Still**

 **Perfectly Imperfect Christmas**

 **Chapter 7 Recap**

Jax and Tara meet a widowed father, Adam and his three kids, Connor, Tyler and Lucy. They form an immediate bond. Tara helps the kids see their mother who was killed in a helicopter accident while in the military as a hero and not an accident victim. Jax helps Connor open up and return to the talkative fun-loving kid he was before his mom died. Tara helps Lucy with her hair and teaches Adam how to use the elastics to make pony tails. Clingy little Tyler goes sledding without Adam. Adam sees these changes and sees how attached his kids have gotten to Jax and Tara. He asks them to stay longer because he and his kids have grown to love them.

 **Chapter 8 Falling**

Jax looked at me, raising an eyebrow. I nodded.

"Tara was just telling me how much fun she's had here. It wasn't the romantic getaway I'd imagined, but I've had a lot of fun too. We'd love to stay longer. The place I work at is closed until after New Year's so we could stay three more days. Is that OK with you, Adam? Tara?"

"It's great for me," Adam said.

"It's great for me," I said.

"We'll just need to let our families know."

"There's no cell service here and the cabin doesn't have a phone. There's cell reception about ten minutes away. I was planning to take everyone ice skating tomorrow and then for Chinese food. It's a family tradition. You could call then."

"Great," Jax said.

"Thanks," I said.

Jax and I were about to climb up to our separate top bunks when Lucy woke up.

"Are you staying?" she asked me.

"Yes. Three more days."

"Yes!" she said.

"Shhh, you'll wake Connor," I said.

"I'm already awake," Connor said. "Is it true that you guys are staying?"

"My girl doesn't lie. We are staying."

"Great. We need to teach Tyler how to fight," Connor said.

The next morning, Lucy asked me to help her make her hair into a ponytail. I suggested she and her dad do it and I would watch and make suggestions. There was something so deep and moving watching Adam with his daughter's pink hairbrush in his big hand brushing her hair. I could feel the love he had for his small daughter. After he finished putting her hair up in a ponytail, he rested his hand on my shoulder for a second to let me know he appreciated what I had done.

I wanted him to be my dad. He became what I wanted a dad to be and how I wanted a father to act with his kids. I really admired the way he loved his kids. I could feel that love when he was with them. I knew I would never have that kind of relationship with my father.

Lucy wanted me to do my hair like hers so we would look like sisters. We both had the same color of hair and eyes so there was some resemblance. I put my hair into a quick ponytail. Lucy admired my ability to do a ponytail without looking in a mirror when I did it. She was such a sweet kid.

When Adam stopped to gas up the van, Jax and I got out and we made our cell calls. I left a message for my father on the answering machine. Jax wasn't as lucky. Gemma answered the phone. He simply told her we were having so much fun, we were extending our trip. She wasn't happy about it, but Jax stood his ground and she had no choice.

I was putting on a happy face about ice skating, but I hate ice skating. I had been ice skating when I lived in Chicago. I even had double bladed beginner's skates and I fell all the time. A couple of times in gym, we did ice skating. That had been on regular single blade ice skates and I'd fallen repeatedly and I never learned how to stop. It was going to be a tough couple of hours. Jax didn't know how to skate either, so at least I'd have company when I fell on the ice.

The rink was indoors so we didn't have to contend with the outdoor cold and the ice surface would be nice and even unlike the homemade gym rinks. After putting our coats and shoes in a couple of lockers, Adam helped everyone with their skates but he wasn't going to skate. He was going to watch from one of the tables overlooking the rink. Lucky him!

"OK, guys, remember to watch out for your sister. Sometimes the bigger kids try to trip or shove the younger ones especially the girls."

"No one messes with our girls," Jax said.

"No one messes with our girls," Connor said.

"That's right," Tyler said and nodded his head in that overly emphatic way that little kids do.

"No one messes with us," Lucy and I said in unison and then we all laughed.

The kids had taken a couple of lessons so they could actually skate. Connor showed Jax how to skate while Lucy showed me. Despite Lucy's best efforts, I had trouble learning to skate. I didn't want to hold them back, so I told them all to skate ahead of me. Jax was a natural athlete. He could do anything. He picked up skating right away and was soon zipping around the rink.

Since all schools were out for the holidays, there were a lot of kids of all ages skating, but few adults. I saw one of the older boys shove Lucy out of his way causing her to fall. She got right up and continued to skate. Connor tripped the kid that shoved Lucy, sending him sprawling across the ice. Tyler skated up to the kid before he could get to his feet and kicked him in the shin with his skate.

"Don't mess with our girls," Tyler said.

I looked up at the tables to see if Adam had caught what had just happened. It was too much for my coordination trying to skate and look up at the same time.

I'd fallen so many times, I quit counting after six. I had been skating at the outer edges of the rink. There were barriers a little taller than waist high all around the area except for two breaks to allow skaters to enter and exit the rink. These barriers came in handy when I fell. I used them to help steady myself and pull myself to my feet when I fell.

In an attempt to avoid a slushy area I'd already fallen in a couple of times, I had skated into the middle area. Of course, I fell and I was stuck in the middle of the ice rink and it was going to be hard for me to get to my feet without the barriers nearby.

"Hey beautiful, do you need help?"

"Yes, my boyfriend just left me all alone."

"If you were my girlfriend, I probably wouldn't leave you alone."

He held out his hand and helped me to my feet.

"Probably not leave alone?"

"I'm a hot guy, I've got to keep my options open."

"I'm a bad girl. Do you want to go somewhere and make out? My boyfriend wouldn't mind."

"I don't know. My mother warned me about bad girls," he said, "and your boyfriend would definitely mind."

I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for rescuing me."

"Anytime. I like rescuing you."

We were just so happy to be together and in love. The world was such a beautiful and amazing place for us because we were away from Charming.

There was an announcement that the ice was going to be resurfaced and all the skaters had to exit the ice. It was a happy moment for me. It made me even happier than kissing Jax.

The kids were waiting for us at Adam's table. He had gone to get refreshments.

"Tara, you are a terrible skater," Connor said.

"I know. I tell my feet to skate, but they just don't get it."

"You didn't quit. You just kept going," Lucy said. "That's good."

"I was being optimistic. I kept thinking my feet would suddenly catch on."

Adam returned with lemonade and pretzels for everyone.

"Good job, guys," Adam said. "You really watched out for the girls."

"What do you mean?" Lucy asked.

"I saw a big kid shove you, so I tripped him," Connor said.

"I kicked him," Tyler said proudly.

"I wished I'd seen it," Lucy said.

She hugged her brothers who were sitting on either side of her.

"Thanks," she said to each one.

"Nobody messes with our girls," Connor said.

"That's right," Tyler said and nodded.

We all laughed. The boys were so cute.

"Tara, do you want to keep skating or would you rather stay here and watch with me?"

"Both. I'll skate a little while longer and then I'll sit with you."

The announcement was made that skaters could return to the ice. Lucy and I walked out on the ice together. We had only skated about ten yards when she wanted to stop. I held on to the top of the barrier to keep myself upright.

"I saw Jax help you up when you fell in the middle. It was so romantic."

"It was really good that he helped me. It's tricky falling in the middle. There's nothing to use to help you get up."

"So romantic," Lucy said and sighed dramatically. "I hope a guy looks at me the way Jax does you. It's like you're the sun in his day. And he's so hot."

"That's how I feel about him too, but you are too young to be thinking about hot guys."

"When I get older, if you don't want Jax anymore, do you think I have a chance?"

"Lucy!"

She giggled.

"I was just kidding."

Lucy and I finished our loop around the edge of the rink. Connor was waiting to skate with me. Once Connor and I circled the rink, little Tyler was waiting for me.

I tripped and fell. Tyler helped me get up. He was so proud of himself.

"Thanks, Tyler. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"That's why we're taking turns skating with you, so we can help you. Oops," he said covering his mouth with his hand. "That was supposed to be secret."

"Don't worry. I won't tell."

Jax was waiting for what I decided was my final skate around the rink.

"You may be a terrible skater," Jax said taking my hand, "but you don't complain and you keep trying."

"I don't want to ruin the day for everyone."

We finished our lap around the rink and I left the ice. It was very sweet that they had all skated a lap with me, but I was done with skating, or more accurately, falling.

I took off my skates and turned them in. My boots felt like heaven. It was so nice not having to balance on ice skates. I sat down at Adam's table.

"If you told me you were such a bad skater, we could have done something else," Adam said.

"I didn't want you to change your plans for me. It's nice just sitting here and watching."

When I was in high school, sometimes I went a little crazy. My mind would get into these strange loops. I kept worrying about sex and what would happen if I were as bad at sex as I was at ice skating. What was I going to do? Surely skating was harder than sex. Sex didn't have triple loops and jumps and stuff like that. Or at least I didn't think so. It was the Virgin Dilemma. Jax knew I hadn't had sex before so he couldn't expect lots of fancy skilled stuff. I learned book stuff quickly, but anything that required coordination or physical skill was a challenge. If sex were anything like ice skating, I was screwed in more ways than sexually. What was I going to do? The loop repeated over and over with no answer in sight.

Adam broke me out of my sex/ice skating loop by talking to me about Lucy. His wife was killed while training in a helicopter a month before school started. He asked Lucy's best friend's mother to take her shopping for school clothes. Lucy refused to go. She was growing out of her clothes, so he wanted my help. He told me he thought Lucy would let me take her clothes shopping. I agreed to take her while he took Jax and the boys snowboarding. Anything was better than ice skating except maybe snowboarding and maybe sex.

The Chinese food was so delicious; it was worth every fall I took on the ice. I had never eaten before in a real Chinese restaurant. My father would bring home take-out usually fried rice and stir fried chicken sometimes, but that was it.

At the restaurant, the food was brought in courses. After the egg drop soup, the appetizers of egg rolls, foil wrapped chicken and pot stickers were served family style. The entrees beef with broccoli, sweet and sour pork, shrimp with snow peas, cashew chicken and pork fried rice were also served family style. For dessert we had green tea ice cream and fortune cookies. The food was so good, I wanted to learn to cook Chinese food.

I enjoyed the interaction of the kids with their father. It was a revelation to me. Adam and his kids seemed to enjoy being together.

Since coming to live with my father, I always felt like I was a chore to him. That's what I would have felt in my father's place. He might not feel the same way. Maybe he enjoyed spending time with me and I'd misjudged him.

The next morning, I told Lucy that her dad was going to drop us off at the mall to do some shopping for her. He wanted me to help her find clothes. She got a little teary-eyed. I put my arms around her and stroked her hair. That's what I'd wanted someone to do for me after my mother died. No one did.

Lucy and I had fun shopping at the mall. It was a great experience for me seeing the world through her eyes. We got her several pairs of pants and tops to mix and match.

Adam watched Jax and his sons learn to snowboard. They all had a good time, but I was the happiest of all because I didn't have to ice skate _or_ snowboard.

For dinner that night, Adam took us to a BBQ restaurant where we all had messy fun, eating ribs.

On our last day, we stayed at the cabin sledding and watching movies. Adam made spaghetti and meatballs. Once again, I savored having meals cooked for me.

That evening, Lucy and I went up to the loft and did each other's nails. It was something we both used to do with our mothers.

I was in my sleeping attire, my long Fire Ants T-shirt that was a Christmas present from my father and leggings. She and the boys loved the Fire Ants logo. I was going to surprise them by sending them all Fire Ants T-shirts when I got back to Charming.

When Lucy began asking me questions about his rock group. It hit me then that I'd asked him questions and never listened to the answers. I'd never even heard his group sing and they had CDs they sold after their shows. I could have listened to one.

I thought I was being this great daughter because I asked him questions, but I wasn't doing it out of any real curiosity. I was doing it so I could tell myself I was being a good daughter. It was time for me to shoulder my share of the blame for my bad relationship with my father. We would never have the relationship Adam had with his kids, but we could make ours better now that I realized I had a share of the blame.

I couldn't just go through the motions with my father. I had to put my heart into mending my relationship with him. I had to overcome the bitterness I felt because he abandoned me when he and my mom got divorced. He had returned to California to pursue his music dreams. It dawned on me that I didn't think much of his music career because he had chosen it over me. I was jealous, bitter and angry. I needed to change my attitude.

I also needed to forgive him for all of the stuff that went down with our former next door neighbors. That was going to be a tough one for me because there was a lot to forgive and some things were just not forgivable. (Tara is hinting at future developments in Tara's Story)

For our final lunch, Adam made meatball subs with beer battered onion rings again. He gave me the recipe for the beer batter so I could make them at home. They were the best I'd eaten.

Jax and I were already packed so we could leave right after lunch. We were reluctant to leave so we decided to spend one last hour sledding with the kids.

We had just finished when Adam called to the kids to come help him build a snowman.

Jax and I decided to take advantage of the kids' absence by using the toboggan. It was definitely more romantic with just Jax and me. On our last run, the toboggan tipped causing Jax and me to end up spilling out and tangling together.

"You did that on purpose," I accused.

"Who me? Why would I do something like that?"

And then he showed me why he might do something like that. At that point, we hadn't made out in front of the kids, but the kids weren't here. We only kissed briefly because the snow was turning to slush killing the mood.

Jax was dragging the toboggan behind him. We were about halfway up the hill when we heard screaming and yelling, but it wasn't the sounds of excited kids playing around. Something terrible had happened.

"Go," I said to Jax. "You can run a lot faster than I can."

"Bring the toboggan. We might need it if someone's injured."

I was only about thirty seconds behind Jax, but it felt like hours before I found Jax and Adam near the pond area that Adam had warned his kids about. Jax was physically restraining Adam and they were arguing loudly. Lucy and Connor were about five yards away. She was still screaming. Connor's face was white with fear. I didn't see Tyler, but I could hear him yelling for help. That's when I noticed the footprints in the snow. He had fallen through the ice into the pond.

 **Next Up The Truth That You Need**

The making of a hero, Jax Teller style. I'll post that next week and the story will be complete.

 **Next Up For Me**

Santa failed to give me what I wanted for Christmas—the ability to write well enough, so I wouldn't have to re-write. So, next week, a short chapter for Jax Is Really Alive and then the next week a longer chapter with three terrible things that happen and the big twist in the plot that I've mentioned for months.

Then, back to Tara's Story. I hope that in the next month I will finally have all of it rewritten and can begin the new chapters.

And as always, please review. It helps me if I know what is working in a story and what isn't. I lose objectivity after about the third or fourth rewrite.


	9. Chapter 9

17

 **TARA'S STILL**

 **PERFECTLY IMPERFECT**

 **CHRISTMAS**

 **Chapter 8 Recap**

Jax and Tara continue their idyllic stay in the snowy mountain cabin with Adam and his children Connor, Lucy and Tyler. After one last toboggan ride down the hill, Jax and Tara begin the walk up the hill. It's time for them to leave and return to Charming. Suddenly, they hear screams. Tara tells Jax to run ahead of her and he tells her to bring the toboggan in case someone's injured. When Tara gets to the scene, Adam and Jax are arguing loudly and Lucy is screaming. Tyler has fallen through the ice.

 **CHAPTER 9 The Truth You Need**

"Lucy, quit screaming. It isn't helping," I said in that firm tone adult's use when they are demanding obedience. I think it was the first time I'd ever used that voice.

"Thank you," I said when she quit screaming. "We are all a team and we will get your brother out of the pond. That's for your dad, Jax, and me to do. The two of you need to go to the cabin and get it ready. Tyler's going to be very cold. We're going to need to warm him up. Lucy, you need to make him a nice hot bath. We're also going to need blankets and comforters. That's your job, Connor. We need at least six. We're going to be really cold too. If you can't find extras in a closet, take them off the beds. Can you get back into the cabin? Do you need a key?"

Connor shook his head.

"No. There's a hide-a-key outside."

"Why can't they just go over and pull him out?" Lucy asked.

"Why are they fighting?" Connor asked.

"They are making a plan to rescue Tyler. Sometimes when guys make plans, they get loud. Give me your mufflers, we might need them."

"My mom made them for us last Christmas," Lucy said as she handed me her bright red muffler.

"I'll be sure to return them," I promised.

Connor handed me his. He had a better grasp of the situation than Lucy. He knew rescuing Tyler wasn't as simple as walking over to him and picking him up. That's why he was so terrified. He was afraid he was going to lose his brother.

"OK. Go! We'll be there in a few minutes."

They both nodded and ran off in the direction of the cabin.

"Let me go! My son needs me!" Adam shouted. He tried to step around Jax.

"Your son needs you alive," Jax said. He shoved Adam hard, knocking him back about three feet. "You're going to fall through the ice and die. I have a plan."

"Tyler fell through the ice. You weigh four or five times that. You'll never make it to him," I said.

"Tara and I might be able to rescue Tyler, but I don't think we would be able save you when the ice breaks under you. How are your kids going to deal with their dad's death? Tyler will blame himself. Your great family will go to hell in a minute."

Adam took a couple of calming breaths.

"Tyler, we're coming. We need a plan first," Adam yelled.

"Hurry!"

"We will."

"I sent the kids to the cabin. I got their mufflers. I thought they might be useful."

"Good thinking," Jax said.

"Maybe someone should call for help," Adam suggested.

I did the math for him.

"Five minutes for me to get to the cabin, ten minutes to drive to a place with cell reception, a minimum fifteen minute response time. Figure another fifteen minutes to plan and get the equipment ready. Best possible case, we're looking at forty-five minutes to get help. I don't think he was that kind of time. I think I'm more useful here," I said, keeping my voice low so Tyler couldn't hear me.

"My plan's simple," Jax said. "I'm going on the toboggan. That will spread my weight out. Adam will give me a push to get me as close as possible to Tyler. I'll lift him out of the water and Adam will pull us back using the toboggan's cord attached to one of the mufflers. That will give us enough length."

"I should go," I said. "I'm smaller and lighter. I'll have the best chance of not falling through the ice."

I wasn't trying to be brave or the hero. It just made more sense for me to go. The only thing that mattered was getting little Tyler out of the pond and warmed up before he drowned or died from hypothermia.

"Tara, you don't have the physical strength to lift him out of the water," Jax said.

"I'm not going to lift him out. I'm just going to grab him and you guys are going to pull us back."

Jax and Adam looked at each other and nodded.

"Are you sure?" Jax asked.

"Yeah. My job's easy. You guys have the hard part pulling us back to safety."

"Let's add a safety line," Adam suggested. "We'll tie a muffler around your waist and tie the others together so if you get separated from the toboggan we'll still be able to get you back. I'll give you mine to tie around Tyler just in case you lose your grip."

Adam explained to Tyler how we were going to get him out of the pond. He made it clear to Tyler that he wasn't to stand up when he was out of the pond or he would fall through the ice again. He also told him to do everything that I told him.

"Don't start pulling until I tell you," I said.

I laid down on my stomach with the curl of the toboggan behind me. I took off my gloves. I thought I could get a better grip on Tyler with bare hands. Adam and Jax gave me a big push running as far as they dared on the ice. I slid to less than a yard from Tyler.

I used my hands to sort of paddle my way through the snow to get closer to him kind of like a surfer. He had been lucky. He was clinging to the hole's edge. As long as he held on and didn't go under, I'd be able to grab him.

I tried not to think about what would happen if he let go and slipped underwater. His chances of living would plummet and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get him out alive. Some kids have been pulled from icy water and been brought back to life, but that wasn't how the story usually ended. That's why it made news. It didn't happen often.

"Tyler, I'm right behind you. I'm going to loop your dad's muffler around you and tie it. This is going to give me an extra hold on you."

I had to scoot off the toboggan so that most of my upper body was stretched over the hole and my sleeves were actually in the water. For a second, my hands locked up from the cold and I regretted taking off my gloves.

I flexed my hands to warm them up a bit before I reached out and looped the bright red muffler around Tyler and tied it using the slip knot that Jax showed me. I wrapped the scarf around my wrist. I knew this was risky. If Tyler sunk below the water, there was a good chance he would take me with him, but I needed to be tied to him for my own peace of mind. If we were tied together, I knew we would both be OK.

My entire life just got very simple. The only thing I wanted to do was grab Tyler. Nothing else mattered—just that little kid. I reached out and slipped my arms under his arms. He was facing away from me, still clinging to the ice's edge.

"OK, Tyler. I have you. Let go and your dad and Jax will pull us back off the ice."

"I'm scared."

"I have you. I'm not going to let you go."

He shook his head.

Adam called to him to let go. I told him to let go. Jax told him to let go. Tyler clung to the ice. I couldn't fight him. It might break the fragile ice.

"Remember when we went ice skating and I fell? I trusted you to help me up. It's your turn to trust me."

He shook his head. Suddenly he looked up and became very calm.

"I'm ready now, Tara," he said. He let go.

"Don't worry. I am tied to you and we used the mufflers your mom made last Christmas as a rope. The guys have that as a back-up. In just a minute or two or even less, we'll be back on the ground."

"I'm not scared. I'm a big boy."

"You are. Most kids, even big ones, would be crying. OK, guys, we're ready. Pull."

It wasn't as easy as I had thought it would be and it required more strength too, but in that kind of situation, my body made up for the ice skating debacle by giving me strength I didn't know I had and I didn't know I would need.

Tyler was only four or five, so he didn't weigh that much, but the guys had to pull me back too. They had to pull slowly to keep us straight and lined up with the toboggan. My upper body was still off the toboggan. Gradually and very carefully, Tyler was pulled clear of the ice. Some of it broke, but he remained calm.

Once I was back on the toboggan, I felt relief. It would be easier to pull us back, but we faced a new hurdle. The scarves were knitted or crocheted and the yarn stretched, so Adam and Jax had to really reel us in. Suddenly they stopped. The mufflers had gotten stuck. The guys tried to free up the muffler, but we were still snagged. Jax laid down on the ice to disperse his weight, inched his way to the snag and freed up the muffler. Adam waited until Jax was back safely before he began pulling. They pulled us bringing us closer and closer. Suddenly the ice began to give and shatter. We had seconds, if that, before the ice completely gave way.

"Pull as fast as you can. The ice is breaking under us!" I shouted. "Let's count and see how long it takes for them to get us back," I said to Tyler in a softer voice. I needed to keep him calm. If he panicked, we could both end up underwater and we were so close to safety.

I counted to three before Tyler pitched in to help. We got to nine before we were back on solid ground. I unwrapped the muffler from around my wrist that was also around Tyler.

There was a bunch of hugging. Adam lifted Tyler to his feet and hugged him, he hugged me, he hugged Jax and then he went back to hugging Tyler. Jax hugged Tyler. In that moment, I could feel Jax's love for Tyler. He loved that little kid. That was the best of Jax, warm, kind and loving.

Jax hugged me and told me he was proud of me. We just stayed wrapped in each other's arms so relieved and thankful that Tyler was safe.

Adam took off Tyler's wet coat and wrapped him in his coat. Adam's breathing worried me. He was struggling for breath.

I was shivering. I'd gotten almost completely soaked from the water seeping through the cracks in the ice.

"Take off your coat. I'll give you mine," Jax said.

"I'm OK," I insisted. My teeth were chattering so much, I bit my tongue.

Jax took off his coat. He still had on his blue hoodie and flannel shirt under the coat.

I tried to unzip my jacket, but my hands were so cold, I didn't have fine motor skills. I couldn't unzip my jacket.

Jax unzipped my jacket for me, helped me out of it, put his coat on me and zipped it up.

"Thanks," I said.

"Jax, can you take Tyler back? You're faster." Adam asked. He was pausing between words.

"Sure," Jax said. He scooped Tyler up.

"Adam, I need you to help me. I can't walk very fast," I said. I didn't want Adam to look weak in front of his son.

"I can help you," Adam said slowly, but Tyler didn't notice.

"When I sent the kids to the cabin, I told Lucy to make a hot bath for Tyler. It's a fast way to warm someone up. Tyler's skin is numb. He won't be able to tell if the water is too hot until it's burned him. That can be a very bad injury. Jax, you need to check the water carefully. Don't just test it with your fingers. Put your whole hand in and leave it for a few seconds."

Jax nodded. "Check the water with my whole hand. Be careful about the temperature. Got it."

"We'll be there in a few minutes," Adam said.

Jax took off at a run, cradling Tyler against his body.

I took the mufflers, Tyler's wet coat and my wet coat and put them on the toboggan. I began dragging it by its cord as we walked to the cabin.

"I'm the one that needs help," Adam said, still fighting for breath and pausing between words.

"Tyler didn't need to know that."

"Thanks."

"Before the kids ran to the cabin, Connor asked me why you and Jax were fighting. I told him that you and Jax were making a plan and guys sometimes get loud when they are planning."

Adam smiled at me.

"You sound like my wife. She was always tactful."

"The tact thing is kind of a first for me."

We finished the rest of the walk slowly and silently. It was just too difficult for Adam to talk and walk with his asthma. He was also shivering from the cold since he had given his coat to Tyler. I left the toboggan and its contents on the porch.

Lucy flung open the door before we could open it. She must have been watching from the window.

"They're here," Lucy called.

Connor came in carrying two blankets. He gave us each one.

"You warmed them up," I said. "Great idea."

"I put them in the dryer. My mom used to do that sometimes with our pajamas," he said.

Connor and Lucy hugged their father.

"Jax told us you're a hero and he told us how you made the plan to save Tyler and how you used our mufflers like rope," Connor said.

"And you had to help Tara get back to the cabin," Lucy added.

"Your mufflers are in the toboggan. They're wet," I said.

"How's Tyler?" Adam asked.

"I had everything ready," Lucy said. "I made it a bubble bath because he likes bubble baths better than plain ones."

We went into the bathroom. Tyler was in the bathtub. The color was returning to his skin. He was bouncing back.

I was relieved that he was doing so well. He wouldn't have to go to the hospital. He had only been in the water a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to me.

"How are you feeling, Tyler?" Adam asked.

"Good."

"You were right about the water," Jax said to me. "It was too hot, so we added cold and I've been monitoring it as the water cools and we add more hot water."

Jax told me later that Connor had helped him remove all of Tyler's clothes except his SpongeBob SquarePants underpants. Little kids needed to keep their dignity.

"Why did you go out on the pond after you were told not to?" Adam asked.

"I don't know."

"What did you think would happen?"

Tyler shrugged.

"I didn't think anything would happen. Then I thought it would be fun if I jumped up and down and then the ice broke."

That's when I learned that little kids just can't be trusted. They do dumb things just because they don't understand the consequences of their actions and they are little kids.

Jax and I turned to leave.

"I have something to tell everyone," Tyler said very seriously.

I wondered what could be going on with that little kid. I was hoping this accident wasn't going to leave him screwed up for life. Poor little guy had just lost his mother; he didn't need anymore trauma.

"Does that mean me?" Jax asked.

"Everyone," he said with obvious annoyance. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so odd.

"OK. Tell us," Adam prompted.

"When I was in the ice, Tara kept telling me to let go, but I was scared. I saw mommy. She was wearing that big dress that she said it was her bag dress."

"Bag lady dress?" Lucy suggested.

"Yes," he said and shot his sister a look of irritation. "She told me that I would be OK and I needed to be a big boy. She said I would be really cold, but I would be OK," he paused and looked at his father and then at his brother and sister. "She said to tell you that she loves us and she's around us. And not to be sad for her." Tyler tried not to cry, but it was too much for him and his eyes filled with tears.

I thought of my mother and I could feel tears in my eyes. I wondered if my mother or my aunt were around me. I never felt their presence, but that didn't mean they weren't around.

"Tara, your hands are bleeding," Lucy said.

I had been so caught up in getting Tyler that I hadn't noticed the damage I'd done to my hands. My knuckles had dragged on the ice and snow as Adam and Jax had pulled us to safety.

"There's a first aid kit in the master bath in a drawer under the sink."

"Come on, Tara. Let me fix your hands," Jax said.

It gave us a good excuse to leave the bathroom so the family could have some time together.

I know it's not a very modern thing to say, but I really liked it when Jax took care of me. I think it's because I was raised to be independent. When you are told you can't depend on anyone for help, it makes you feel that you can't depend on anyone's help because you don't deserve it or you aren't worth helping. I don't know, maybe I am the only one who can see being raised to be independent has a down side.

Jax cleaned my hands off, put antibiotic ointment on the scrapes and bandages on the deeper scrapes on my knuckles.

"Did you see a woman anywhere? You were closest to Tyler," Jax asked.

I shook my head.

"I didn't see anyone, but I was so focused on getting Tyler I had tunnel vision."

"I saw her. I saw this woman with long brown hair in this kind of baggy outfit. I wouldn't have been able to hear her speak from where I was, but I saw this woman. It was strange. One minute, she was just there, and then suddenly, she was gone. Tyler let go then and we began pulling you in."

"A change came over him suddenly. That would fit into the time frame. Maybe you both saw her. Let's see if Adam has a picture of her."

"Does that make her a ghost or an angel?" Jax asked.

"I don't know. Both?"

Everything was so intense that I'd forgotten about my wet clothes. My bag was still in the room. I went into the bunkhouse bedroom and changed into dry clothes. It felt so good to be dry and warm.

The family meeting was over by the time I opened the bunkhouse bedroom door. I asked Lucy for a garbage bag for my wet clothes. She brought me a garbage bag. She had already put my coat in it for me.

Jax and I needed to leave. It would take us a couple of hours to get back to Charming. We said our goodbyes to everyone. It surprised me that it was so hard. They had become my family for that small space of time and now I was losing them. I would have memories, but I would miss making new ones with them.

Tyler, all warmed up from his bath, hugged both Jax and me and thanked us for helping his dad save him. I just couldn't imagine that little boy drowned in the pond. I got teary-eyed when I said good-bye to Lucy. She was a cross between a little sister and a daughter.

Adam walked with us to the car. Since he had warmed up, his breathing had returned to normal. He had bounced back just like his son.

"You told my kids I was a hero," Adam said to Jax. "You were the hero. When I realized Tyler had fallen in the pond, all I could think of was getting to him and saving him. It was pure reaction without thought. You finally got through to me when you said if I went out on the ice, I would die and Tyler would blame himself. If you had been a few seconds later, or if you hadn't been so forceful in blocking me from going to the pond, I'd be dead and Tyler might have died too. If you and Tara hadn't spent that extra hour sledding, or if you hadn't stayed the three extra days . . ."

"You don't know what would have happened," Jax said. "You made the choices that brought Tyler to safety. You could have still rushed out on the pond. You didn't have to listen to my plan. You thought of the safety line. That was a great idea. You were struggling to breathe, but you gave your coat to your son. That was heroic. You asked me to take Tyler to the cabin. That was the best choice for him. You made heroic choices."

"I know the truth," Adam said.

"So do your kids. I gave you the truth you needed for your family. It isn't going to matter to Connor and Lucy if Tara and I were the heroes. It matters that you _are_ the hero. You made the choices that resulted in Tyler's rescue. You are a great father. Every great father deserves to be a hero to his kids at least once in his life."

Adam hugged Jax.

"I'm glad I didn't punch you," he said.

"Me too," Jax said.

"Thank you, Tara. Tyler wouldn't have made it out of the ice without you. You were brave."

"Not really. I knew you guys had my back. Now, Tyler was brave."

"You saved my family. How do you adequately thank someone for that?"

"You just did," Jax said. "I hope I can be as great a father as you one day."

We hugged Adam again and then Jax and I got in the car and left.

Jax's words about being a great father like Adam caught me a little by surprise. Jax's feelings about his father were complex. JT wasn't much of a father for the exact same reason Jax was a bad dad; he put the MC ahead of his own kids.

After Jax found his father's manuscript, his feelings alternated between love and contempt. I had hope that one day Jax would find his way back to fatherhood and use Adam as a model for a father.

"We forgot to ask Adam for a picture of his wife," I said after we'd gone about ten miles.

The good-byes were painful enough. We couldn't really go back for a look at a picture.

"We didn't forget. You forgot."

"You saw a picture of her?"

"Yeah. It sort of looked like the woman I saw, but I'm not sure. The kids showed me a picture while you were taking forever to change your clothes."

"You don't understand that girls' clothes are more complicated than guys' clothes."

"I know. I've got some experience in helping girls out of their clothes."

"Jax!" I said and rolled my eyes.

He grinned.

"What did you tell the kids about the picture?"

"I gave them the truth they needed too. I think it made them feel better—especially Tyler. He was happy that I had seen his mother."

"I like to think that our loved ones can come to us. A change definitely came over Tyler. He went from being frozen in fear to being very calm and serene. That was pretty great of you telling the kids that Adam was the hero."

"I just gave him the truth that he needed, darlin'"

"Yeah, but it was pretty great of you," I said. I kissed him on the cheek.

"Just add that to your list of why I'm so wonderful."

"I don't actually have a list. You're just going to have to remind me every day why you're so wonderful," I whispered in his ear and then I bit his earlobe.

"Tara Knowles, you are a bad girl."

"Not that bad," I said.

"I've got hopes," he said smiling at me before giving me a quick kiss at the traffic light.

"I really like how we keep our relationship to us. It's like we have our own world."

"I think we should keep what happened at the cabin to ourselves too. We'll just tell everyone that we had a nice time and leave it at that."

"It sounds cool and mysterious."

"Would you expect any less from me? I just like having a world for just the two of us and we're the only ones who know about it."

Keeping some mystery about our relationship from others helped us build our strong bond. Sometimes it was hard for me because I heard the girls at school wondering what Jax could possibly see in me, but I ignored it. Jax and I had a bond that would stand the test of time except, of course, when it didn't.

After New Year's, I sent the family Fire Ant T-shirts. Less than a week later, they sent me a package. Inside was a picture of them all wearing their Fire Ant T-shirts and a red muffler. It was the one Lucy's mom made for herself. Lucy wrote a note telling me that they decided as a family that I should have the scarf. That simple kindness touched my heart.

Jax and I would continue to see the family spending a week with them every summer and every winter until I went to San Diego and Jax and I split.

Jax would see the same woman ironically in a cemetery after Opie's wife Donna's murder. When Jax was going through big turning points in his life, she would just appear. He told me that he had seen her in an open air market in Belfast when he was trying to decide Abel's future.

Until I saved Jax from death, he thought this woman was Adam's wife and the kids' mother. He thought she was a guardian angel watching over him as thanks for saving Tyler's life. The reality of who the woman was and why she was around him during key points in his life remained a mystery until then. (Jax Is Really Alive Chapter 16 Déjà vu All Over Again will explain this)

Jax and I returned to Charming and, for awhile, we lived happily ever after.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am thinking about doing a sequel to Tara's Perfectly Imperfect Christmas.** The plot will be either Tara gets a surprise plane ticket from her father, so she's spending Christmas in Charming. It's the first time she's been in town since she and Jax split up. Her father takes a last minute gig (just like original story) leaving Tara home alone on Christmas Eve. Jax comes by. The second option: Adam and his family from the Christmas story invite Jax and Tara to spend a few days at the cabin after Christmas. Jax and Tara don't want to tell the kids they aren't together anymore because the kids think they have this forever sort of epic love (or at least Lucy does), so they pretend to be a couple for a couple of days.

 **Please vote for either:**

 **Tara and Jax alone together on Christmas Eve OR**

 **Jax and Tara go to the cabin and pretend they are still together.**

 **NO VOTES EQUALS NO STORY. You can either vote through the review process or PM me. Neither story will reveal what caused Tara and Jax to split up. That's for Tara's Story to do.**


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